The Heart That Howls
by Zophiela
Summary: Part 1 of the series, "Gravity". Renesmee is now a young adult, the fallout of an old enemy surfaces, and the wolves are howling. Edward and Bella begin to deal with the truth that Nessie has grown up. Eight years post Breaking Dawn.
1. Disappointment

_(This story is post Breaking Dawn, so DO NOT read unless you've already read that, or unless you don't care about spoilers. I do not own these characters or anything having to do with them. They all belong to Stephenie Meyer.)_

The Heart that Howls

_Time is irrelevant. For me, it makes absolutely no sense. Humans measure time in pieces, and pieces in those pieces, as a way to deal with their ever impending mortality. I think it must make them feel in control of something that they have absolutely no control of. Sometimes I envy them that. If only it were that simple. If only I had some level of comparison._

_I once asked my mother how she deals with it now. She was a human just recently, that is if 8 human years is even considered recent. She said that things are the same, but have become somewhat slower in the space of our own little world. I know she fears that my grandparents, my human grandparents, will be gone before she can blink. We visit them as often as we can. I love them so much. I don't want to ever lose them. But again, they are mortal and it is inevitable._

_The wolves have a different approach to this subject. It seems they have a sort of control over their growth. I will have to ask Jake about it one day. He will tell me anything I wish to kn-_

A knock on my door. My father always knocks. He knows what I'll probably say before I have to say anything, but he is so old world and polite sometimes. "Come in." I set my pen on the leather bound journal and look up as he slipped into my room. He looked pretty much perfect, as did all the Cullens, except for me. I was a "special" case. Next to their exquisite perfection, the human side of me was definitely apparent. Ah, well.

"You have your mother's eyes. They weren't totally lost after the transformation." My father voice was velvety soft. He heard my thoughts and attempted to soothe my spirit. His hand rested on my head and he sat on the bed next to where I lay on my stomach. I closed my book and stretched. I adjusted myself in a seated position and sat, facing him. Him. The vampire who was my father, who looked exactly my own age. Who would always look my age. Carlisle believed I had finally ceased my growth. There had been absolutely no change over the past year. Strange, but then again, we were a strange sort.

"I know, I know. Chocolate. Jake says the same thing." I rolled those rich brown eyes that turned men's heads and smiled for his benefit. "So…what do you want?" I took his hand from my hair and handed it back to him. He and I were very close as far as fathers and daughters went. It'd always been that way for us, and I'd just been lucky he was so good to me. Having a father who can read your every thought would be a virtual nightmare if he were anything else.

He appeared very casual, but his liquid gold eyes didn't match his demeanor. They were serious. I feigned ignorance to this fact and went along with his ruse. "We are catching rumors of vampires- strangers-possibly a newer clan. I just want you to stay close for the next few days until we can figure it out." He watched me carefully, seeing my facial expression change as I was sure he heard my mental complaint.

"Dad!"

"I'm not negotiating this."

I growled at him, but his face and eyes were stone as he stared back. He was much better at staring me down and we both knew it. "Dad…EDWARD…nothing will happen to me if I go see the wolves!" I protested a bit loudly. I knew for sure that the rest of my family could hear what was going on in my room perfectly well. It was the way my life went. Everyone knew my business. My father could even see into my most private thoughts. He was the only one of my family I'd allow there, but that was moot since I really had no choice.

He paused and closed his eyes as if listening to something only he could hear. He frowned. "Bella…"

My mother opened the bedroom door and walked in, staring down at both of us. She looked like an amber eyed angel, of which I was a pale comparison. She and my father were having a mental argument. She could shoot him her opinions and he couldn't shoot back without my hearing. He growled. It didn't look like the duo of Bella and Nessie was going to win against the will of Edward Cullen this time. We were usually so good at getting our way with him. It had to be a pretty serious situation for him to be so severe.

"I know the wolves are perfectly capable of protecting you." He said with confidence.

"Jacob would never let anything happen to you." My mother added, defended her friend to my father. It was something she'd only recently been able to ease back on. My father and Jake had been able to form a sort of friendship over the past eight years. They claimed to do it for my mother and myself, but I knew they liked each other more then they let on.

My father sighed. "I have no doubt of that."

"You trusted him to keep me safe back in Forks." My mom argued but seemed a little less sure of herself than before. I began to get the impression that she was putting up the fight purely for show. I sighed and looked at my father.

"I'm not going to win this." It was a statement. Jacob was my imprinted guardian. No bond was greater amongst the shape changers. I had planned to spend the weekend with his pack. The pack were my best friends, and though I was half vampire, I was completely accepted among them. Not being permitted to go was a crushing disappointment.

"I absolutely trust Jacob and know you would always come first with him. He is bound to protect you. This, yes, is true. However, you are MY daughter that I must keep safe. You will stay in this house. End of discussion." My parents seemed absolute in their stand. I was certain the rest of my family would support their decision. I sighed.

"Fine. We'll just disappoint Jacob yet again." I looked deliberately at the creature that was my mother. I felt sorry the second I'd said it. She chose my father and without that choice, I wouldn't exist. Without that choice, Jacob wouldn't be my bonded guardian. That boy was my friend now. My best friend and I wasn't about to let him be hurt the way she had hurt him all those years ago. Before I was even a possibility. I turned away from the two making my choices for me and stared at the wall. "I would appreciate it if you would close the door on your way out." My voice was low, but nothing that their impressively enhanced hearing couldn't pick up.

I could sense them watching me for a few moments before hearing the click of the door latch.


	2. Family Issues

(Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. It all belongs to Stephenie Meyer.)

* * *

The sun had set hours ago, but I didn't feel the need to leave my room. Granted, my room had quite a lot of space seeing as our house itself was so huge. I sat at my computer, twisting in my chair, checking the blogs of people and things I cared about. Emmett and Alice had created profiles upon my request, but they hardly kept up with them. I didn't see why since they never slept and therefore had loads of time. I felt that networking was important. Among the different clans, the internet was a great way to keep in touch. I felt that it would eventually catch on with everyone, but it was slower going than I anticipated.

I glanced at my cell phone and hoped it would ring. I had called and left messages on the phones of the members of Jacob's pack who's numbers I knew. No one had called me back and it had been days since I'd heard from them. This normally wouldn't have fazed me. They hardly ever carried their phones with them. Having to keep track of a simple scrap of clothing as they ran around in wolf form was hard enough, let alone keep track of a phone. It would not have bothered me, if I hadn't had a nagging feeling that something wasn't right. It wasn't like Jake to stay away for days without letting me know why. I was determined to get to the bottom of it.

I opened the drawer of my dresser that contained my pajamas. Alice loved to buy me these as the rest of the Cullens had no use for them. I pulled out a fresh pair of black flannel bottoms that had little apples all over them. I pulled out a red tank top to match and quickly changed out of my jeans and t-shirt into the more comfortable nightwear. I threw my old clothes into the hamper and wondered vaguely if I'd ever see them again. Alice had a knack for sending our once used clothes to the rescue mission.

I padded across the hall and down the long sets of stairs to the main level of our home. The television was on and Emmett was watching some crime show. He didn't seem to be too engrossed in it, however, and looked up when I made my appearance.

"Nessie! So, I heard you're stuck in for the night." He didn't look all that sorry for me, but I didn't expect he would.

"Well, _Emmett_, it looks that way." I shot back as I paused at the couch he was sitting on. My family felt it was time for me to stop referring to the Cullens as "aunt", "uncle", "mom" and "dad". Since we all appeared to be the same age now, it made it easier to pretend they were my human siblings in public if I referred to them by their actual names. It did take some getting used to. I looked over at my mother and Jasper who were engrossed in a game of chess. Jasper and Carlisle had been teaching her, and though she had yet to beat either of them, she seemed to be getting better.

"Well, don't feel too bad. I have been called on to accompany a couple of our ladies to visit the Denali clan. So, you could be doing that instead." Emmett tried to make it sound like that was so much worse than being practically confined to house arrest when you had done nothing wrong to deserve it. I simply glared at him.

"Who else is going to Denali?" I demanded he answer, the force of my glare emphasized by the hands on my hips. I would have loved to visit our vampire friends. My uncle looked like he wished he hadn't said anything, and I heard my father sigh from his place beside Carlisle. He was watching us bicker as my grandfather stared at a computer screen, flanked by Alice.

"Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett as going to visit them," Edward explained. "Apparently they may have already had encounters with this new vampire coven I mentioned."

"Yeah, and they may also have a new home like we do that they want to show off." Alice smirked and turned back to the screen. I suddenly felt like a spectator of my own life. That I was watching things happen but had no idea what was actually happening. I was left out of the planning. Plus, my friends were missing and no one was saying anything. It was enough to drive a young woman quite mad.

I scowled and threw myself onto the couch beside Emmett. I stared at the show on the TV, but was completely unaware of what I was seeing. I was angry. My emotions seemed to be thrown out of control lately. I was moodier, but felt that my moods were justified. In short, I knew I was being a complete and total brat. I sat in stony silence for several moments. The house was very quiet, save for the sounds of Esme and Rosalie moving about upstairs, and the printer giving forth something that obviously had nothing to do with me. I felt that there was a huge elephant in the room that no one was acknowledging. At least not in my presence.

"So, has anyone heard from Jacob recently?" I broke the silence but continued to stare at the screen, my arms crossed across my chest. No one responded. For my mother to have no immediate answer to that question made a secret seem very obvious. "In the last few days. Has anyone heard from him? Because the last time I did was two days ago and he isn't answering my calls." I then looked over at Bella. She tried to appear casual about her response.

"He's fine, baby. He's just busy. Jake is the leader of his pack. I know it's hard to wrap our head around the fact, but he does have some big responsibilities." I listened to her voice, a voice I had always trusted absolutely.

"So, he is okay. What about Seth, Leah, Embry…"

"All okay." Bella's voice was sure, and when her amber eyes looked into mine, I was a bit comforted.

I just turned back and looked into my hands, noticing a jagged fingernail. I picked at it absently and felt a calmness descend on me. I glanced at Jasper, who appeared to be concentrating on his next move, but I knew he was spreading his gift of calming energy toward me. As long as my mother promised that our Quileute friends were alright, I could relax some. I looked over at my uncle Emmett and he gestured for me. I crawled over to curl up against him as his strong arm curled around my back. I would let them believe I wasn't suspicious. It would take some mental discipline to keep my father from suspecting anything, but I would test myself. I asked Emmett when he was leaving for his trip.

"Tonight. Once Esme and Rose are ready. It could still be awhile." He sighed and squeezed me, kissing my bronze curls.

I smiled.

Perfect.


	3. Little Deceptions

_Growing up in a household of the undead, I never experience the luxury of a home that is quiet and dark at night. If the house ever does become completely silent, I would probably be unable to sleep. I'm constantly surrounded by those who love and protect me. I know that things work differently for human homes by movies and TV shows I watch. It helps me to know how "normal" people do things so I can better blend in when we have to go out and mingle in society. Humans define what's normal in the world, so I guess it's best not to disturb the balance by drawing attention to myself._

_I really miss the pack. It is not like Jacob to leave me hanging like this. Sometimes I feel kind of bad that he had to go and imprint on me. When I was little, I didn't understand it. I just thought he was family that came with everyone else. My favorite. Now I know there's more to it than that, and that I wasn't a choice he had made. It was just something that happened to him. He never complains about it and I can tell that he is always honest with me. Still, I wonder if he'd be happier if he'd gone off and met someone else. If he'd never set eyes on me. If he wasn't stuck following us around wherever we go, being forced to put up with the apparent vampire stink that clings to me from the house. I remind him that it works both ways. Between my vampire family and the pack, I must be the cleanest girl alive._

The next day, after some of the Cullens left for Denali, nothing much happened around the house. My mom (or rather Bella) and I went hunting in the afternoon. We were able to bring down a small doe, which had just enough blood for the two of us to share. She insisted I take most of it, but I refused. I can eat normal food while she can't, so it only made sense for her to take the larger share. When we made it back to the house, Alice was returning home from a shopping trip and Jasper was helping her carry the bags into the house. My aunt's tiny frame almost disappeared completely under all the bags, but she didn't notice the weight at all. Jasper followed her in, carrying just as many as she was. I took some from him and peeked into them. "Anything for me?" It wasn't a rude question to ask, but my aunt pretended to be offended that I even had to ask.

"Nessie! Of course there is. Don't think you can get away that easy. You are so much too fun to dress up." She picked out several bags and handed them to me. Any normal human would have collapsed under the weight, but not me. No. I'm "special".

"Um…I'll just take these upstairs. Thanks." I turned to smile at her, but she had already skipped upstairs to refill everyone's closets. I looked at Bella and she shrugged.

"It makes her happy." She said, smiling. My mother had the most beautiful face and I felt somewhat guilty knowing that I was going to deceive her later that night. I tried not to think too much about it. Keeping my thoughts light and casual was the way to avoid detection from my father.

"I know. She's been picking out things I really like lately." I looked in the bags and noticed a flash of denim. Good. My jeans of yesterday already had a replacement. I took my new things and walked up to the second level. I could hear Jasper and Alice down the hall in her room. They spoke so softly that even I could hardly hear them. Frowning, I made my way to my room and closed the door. Dumping the bags on my bed, I rifled through the mound of clothing until I located some khaki cargos. Those would do. I tossed them aside with a long sleeve t-shirt that had been tucked in the bag next to it. I then took the time to put everything new away. I'd wait until it got darker and they thought I was asleep to sneak out to the campsite. Actual vampires didn't really have night vision or anything similar that they might show in movies. Everything was just sharper than the normal human eye could possibly imagine. That went for me as well.

I went to my computer and pulled up my music files. Plugging in the MP3 player I received for my first Christmas present, I began loading all of Edward Cullen's recorded tracks into it. It would be the perfect distraction for my mind and I hoped it would trick my father enough to keep him away. I would just keep singing his songs in my head as I went. I was pretty confident that it was going to work. At least it would keep him away until I actually found my friends. The pack's mind chatter was loud and Edward could hear them for miles. By then I'd have done what I set out to do so consequence wouldn't matter. I was their precious little Nessie. What would they possibly do to me?

I noticed the shadows in the room growing longer and the colors turned warmer. Just hours to go. I got up from my computer chair and grabbed the new clothes I'd set aside. I went to my bathroom and turned on the shower. I had gotten blood on myself when I was hunting and it had dried on my skin. I supposed I inherited some of Bella's human clumsiness. You wouldn't know it to look at her now, but everyone says she used to be a real klutz. Jacob loves it and says it makes me more human. He really likes my human side. He actually likes all of who I am. I wonder if he likes me because of the imprint or if he would like me if he had just met me out of the blue. Nessie Cullen meets Jacob Black. I then realize that I really don't care. The fact that I have such a true friend who does love all aspects of the rare creature that is me makes me happy.

I would find out what the pack is up to. What secrets are being kept from me. I would go downstairs and put on a casual face, eat my dinner and watch TV. I would do everything that is expected of me, as I always have. Every day.

Until now.


	4. Be Careful What You Wish For

Getting out of the Cullen's house had been relatively easy. My family had no reason to doubt that I had fallen asleep with the MP3 player playing Edward's music in my ears. I had done it countless times before when I was younger. I was a bit surprised that no one picked up on the thud my feet made when I landed in the yard after having leapt out my bedroom window. I just paused for a moment to gather myself before I took off running. I had run at my fastest speed for about five minutes before approaching the edge of the woods.

The brambles in northern California are thicker than those in Washington, and my feet kept getting caught, causing me to nearly trip. I had been to see my friends many times since we'd moved to Oakwood, but I had never gone alone. One of the pack had always been with me. My senses could pick up their scent as I got closer to the campsite where I had originally planned to spend my weekend. I could pick up the traces of a campfire on the breeze and quietly congratulated myself on my abilities as a tracker. I could handle myself perfectly well in those sorts of situations.

As I got closer to the campsite, there was the scent of fire, and the sweet scent of a kill not too far off. I paused and inhaled the glorious fragrance of fresh blood, my hunting instinct heightened in response. That made me suddenly realize that things were not right. Where were the so familiar scents of the pack? Seth's was missing, as was Leah's and especially Jacob's. I crouched lower to the ground and inhaled closer to the source, trying to catch any underlying notes. Near the ground the scents were earthier, headier, and I could catch the faintest traces of my friends. They had been there, but had scattered. They had gone, leaving the fire to dwindle on it's own. As reckless as they could be, they would never have done that and endanger the woods.

My heart began to beat harder against my chest. Where were they?! Why were they hiding from me? I turned the volume on the MP3 player up, keeping up the mental charade that I hoped was keeping my father from the truth of my situation. I wasn't in any trouble and he didn't need to know I was traipsing about the woods of northern California by myself. When my mind seemed well trained on the song in my head, I walked into the clearing, but much more carefully than I had been up till then. The fire was hot and I stared into it, trying not to think too hard as I fought to solve the mystery of Jacob's pack.

Then, it hit. The sweet scent I had been searching for. I could smell the rich muskiness of the wolf's fur on the wind before I could see any evidence of it coming at me, racing on huge paws. The animal was getting closer, racing faster, making it's way to where I was. It was a scent I would know anywhere, one I memorized since my very first moments of life. I pulled the buds from my ears, my father's voice now silent in my head with only the sounds of the crackling fire and the crashing brush to replace it.

Suddenly, and without warning, I felt a steely hand gripped my throat and yank me back against a body as hard as stone. I didn't notice the enemy at my back because I was not open to the possibility. I was so distracted by the happiness in my heart that I didn't sense the danger until it was too late to even acknowledge it. My mistake would be a costly one. Panic gripped me and in my sudden fear I fought back, clawing the hand holding me, kicking and thrashing with all the power my vampire blood could offer. The one holding my throat was not prepared for such strength and released it's grip for a split second. I threw myself away from the vampire and stared back at him. He was a complete stranger. A deep dread stirred in the pit of my stomach.

At that moment, an enormous, russet colored wolf leaped into the clearing. He crouched between the stranger and myself, snarling and growling at my attacker. His fur was raised up and he was backing up against me, keeping his eyes fixed on the threat.

Jacob.

"W-what are you doing here," I asked the stranger, trying to buy some time. Civility might work. Most vampires that I knew could be reasoned with. I was half vampire. Reason could possibly work. "Are you, um, looking for someone? Some thing?" Jacob would not stop snarling, shifting his protective stance just barely.

Blood red eyes looked into mine and a salacious grin etched itself across the pale face. He appeared to be in his early twenties, a newer vampire by the blood tinged eyes. In his presence, it was not good to have any humanity whatsoever. Dusty brown hair fell around his face, and he would have been considered attractive if it weren't for the stare I was receiving that practically promised my demise. "You're pretty."

I was instantly very sorry I had ever doubted the wisdom of those much more experienced than myself. What was I doing in the woods? How had I gotten to this spot? When placed in such a situation, I'm sure many a younger adult is reminded of how juvenile they still are. This was such a case. I suddenly opened all paths to my mind, thought very hard of Edward Cullen's youthful face, and mentally screamed for my father.

I stared at the enemy that wanted to kill us. It was very certain to me that death was this thing's plan. "Jake…" I tentatively put my hand on my friend's solid back and felt his growling hitch when reminded that I was a physical being.

Then, slinking out from the woods to stand beside the first vampire, a blonde female joined him. This one was shorter than he, had been a vampire for longer, and seemed more in control of herself. Which just meant more lethal for us. "What is this? I could smell a dog and the dog has a friend." My grip on Jacob's back tightly gripped a handful of his fur. "Filthy mongrel." She glared with hateful menace at Jacob, completely ignoring me.

Suddenly, a howl pierced the night. I couldn't tell which of the wolves it was coming from, but it was answered further down the woods. Several wolves began to howl, calling into the darkness. It wasn't wise for them to be calling attention to themselves. They should have been running far from the area. Far from me. I wanted to yell at them to run, but found myself backing up away from the vampires that threatened us. I thought enough to look behind me before I could possibly back into another enemy. "I'm sorry, Jacob," I whispered. It had been a trap. Things were falling into place and I could not believe how very stupid I had been. The wolves had been at the campsite. But they had been there to lay their own trap. A trap I had been foolish enough to step into, unwittingly sweetening the bait. Way to go, Nessie.

A shorter male vampire suddenly leapt at my back and I was quick enough to swipe at him, hissing in defense. He jumped back and lashed out with his own sharp nails, catching my cheek. I felt the skin tear and knew I was in serious trouble. The scent of my diluted human blood was released in to the air and the vampires I were battling were recently made. I swallowed hard and thought again of my father, crying for his help. I could hear Jacob snapping, could feel him lunging and fighting. I crouched into a fighting stance that came so naturally.

Out the corner of my eye there was a blur of gray fur and another wolf had leapt into the clearing. She snapped at the young one I was fighting, biting at his leg. "Leah!" I didn't want her there! I was already endangering Jacob. I heard the crunch of bone as the vampire screamed, falling to his knees. Leah danced back and snarled, skipping around the newborn. I stood and looked behind me. Jacob was taking on the female and male himself. I could see that Leah was quite able to handle things herself and thought as quickly as I could. I scraped up some dirt and threw it at the eyes of the vampires Jacob was dealing with. It hit the female square in the face and she took a moment to shake her head. Jacob saw that opening and took it, leaping at her, going for her throat. It was a dangerous move. His back was left unguarded.

I loudly yowled and tried attacking the male to distract him from Jacob. Overcome with the scent of my blood, he hadn't planned to go for Jake, but instead lunged directly for me. I was strong enough to defend myself when there was the element of surprise, but now he was prepared for my strength. Jacob was fighting an equal battle of wills with his opponent, while I found myself struggling once again. Razor sharp teeth were snapping at me, trying to find a place to sink in. I ducked and pushed the male's head back as hard as I could. I fought hard, kicking and thrashing. Then, I remembered the thing that only I could do. My special gift. Pushing my hands against my attacker's head I attempted to fill it with a shock of the brightest light I could remember. The day I stared into the sun and dared it to blind me to test my limits. I gathered the image and sent it as hard as I could.

Nothing happened. Nothing at all. The arms around me gripped tighter and a horrific, maniacal laugh emanated from the crazed, blood lusting creature. "I have powers too," he grinned. I was suddenly too stunned to fight. What was wrong with my powers? I tried it again, but nothing. I couldn't even bring up my memories as pictures for myself. There was nothing. The vampire was sapping my powers, nullifying them. It was like my mother's shield, but in reverse. Dread filled me then. What if that prevented my father from hearing me? Unless they heard the wolves, my family wasn't coming.

My eyes widened with fresh horror. My arms were wrenched behind me and as strong as I was, this was a newborn vampire and much, much stronger. I hissed at him and bared my own razor sharp teeth, prepared to bite if I had to. Suddenly, my right arm was yanked too far and I heard the sickening pop a split second before the pain shot through my shoulder. I screamed against it into the night. Distracted by my cry, Jacob lost concentration and turned to look back at me. It gave the blonde vampire he was fighting enough time to gather a reserved surge of energy. She raised her head up and sank her teeth past the shaggy fur at his shoulder, into the skin. He yelped in pain. A vampire had bitten him.

Time stopped. I couldn't feel my own pain. I just stared at my friend and tried to comprehend what had happened in the blink of an instant. A shape shifter had been injected with venom. A death sentence.

A howl of rage erupted from Leah, and the small gray wolf ran at Jacob's attacker, distracting her. It gave Jacob the opening he needed, and his fangs sank into the hard vampire throat. He ripped out a chunk and tossed his head, sending the gore flying into the brush, where it landed with a wet thud. The vampire twitched but would not release her grip on Jacob. Leah quickly tore at her arm, jerking at it hard, tearing it from her body. Jacob was then freed enough to lunge at the vampire who had a grip on me. Wolf fangs snapped and ripped at his face, going for the throat. The vampire roared, throwing me to the ground. I landed on my dislocated shoulder and sucked in a sharp cry. The vampire snarled in pain as he was blinded by his own blood. He threw his arm out, impacting Jake's wounded body, sending him flying. Jacob landed on his side and I could see that he was beginning to feel the effects of the venom as he staggered to get back on his feet. Leah continued to fight the vampire, standing to defend her pack leader and me. She made up for a smaller frame with her speed and severe hatred for the thing she was facing.

I ran to Jacob, wrapping my good arm around his neck. "I'm sorry, Jake…" Tears pricked my eyes as I looked for the wound on his shoulder. "Phase. Phase so I can help you." I begged him to shape shift, but he refused to respond. He would not do it. Leah was left fighting the remaining vampire herself.

A wolf howled in the brush. Was it Seth? Embry? For once I was glad they were being obedient, staying out of the fight. If only I had been so good.

Then as I began to give up hope, I felt a ripple of familiarity and could suddenly feel my powers return. Was the vampire dead? Leah wasn't close to finishing him off. I looked around, my sharp vision blurred by tears. Hands caught my shoulders and I cried out as my injury was gripped. My reflexes fought at the hands on me. I was tired of things grabbing at me. Of being unable to defend myself as I should. I felt helpless.

"Renesmee." There was a soft voice behind me and the hands on my shoulders were gentler. The voice I knew. I knew it so well. I began to shake, gingerly holding my arm. Bella was looking me over, taking note of my shoulder, worry knitting her perfect brow. "Are you okay? How are you hurt?" Her hands were patting me all over and I winced when she passed over my shoulder again. I didn't care about my own petty pain.

"Jacob's been bitten, mom. He won't phase." She just stared at me for a moment as if her preternatural hearing wasn't translating my words correctly. "He was bitten!" I yelled at her, moving to show her where, but my arm hurt too much to move.

"On his shoulder." Edward let her know what was in my mind. I bit my lip and reached out for my mother, touching the cold skin of her bare arm. I gave her a surge of my memories, a playback of what had happened in the clearing. Of what my father already knew, my memory still so fresh. Her eyes filled with dread and she suddenly began looking for the bloody gash in the shaggy fur that we could all smell. I knew she would be crying if she could form tears. It was strange to see my mother trying to cry. If my heart were not already breaking, that certainly would have done it.

I suddenly heard a piercing shriek and looked to where Jasper was helping Leah take down the last vampire. Jasper knew how the newborns operated, how they were motivated. They were easy prey to him. I noticed that Alice began collecting the various bloody bits of vampire carcass, tossing them onto the dying campfire.

Turning back to Jacob , I ignored the pain in my arm as I buried my face in his fur near his head. "Jake…," my voice broke as I tried to speak to him. "Everyone is here. It's okay. Just phase back." I had begun to believe the venom was preventing him from changing to his human form. Then, slowly, it was as if he finally allowed his body to shift. Shaggy red fur turned to russet skin, the familiar form that was my closest friend was returning to the form I loved the most. My mother picked him up in her strong arms, holding him against her. She found the jagged wound that was ripped into a bloody gash at the curve of his shoulder. She bent her head and began sucking at the wound, drawing out as much venom as possible. She spat it out and continued to pull.

"Is he going to die…?" I asked, looking up at my aunt, who was finished with her grisly task. Alice's lovely eyes were filled with concern. She couldn't give me an answer I'd accept, so didn't say anything. Jasper joined us then and I looked over to see Leah. She was glaring at me in a way that caused me to shrink back against my father. As Jacob's second in command, she was responsible for the pack while he was wounded and fighting for his life. After a few moments, she turned suddenly and ran off into the woods.

When she thought she had taken enough from the wound, Bella turned to me, her lips smeared with blood. "We have to get him back to the house." She looked at Edward and must have opened her mind to him because he then gently got me to my feet.

"We have to put your shoulder back before we can run. Jazz?" Jasper came over to me and took hold of my arm, gripping me firmly. I held on tight to Edward, knowing it would hurt. I stared at Jacob and knew I deserved much worse than this moment of agony as my uncle quickly wrenched my arm back into it's socket. I screamed and then buried my face in Edward's shoulder. He took hold of me and then looked at my mother as she stood up, her strong vampire arms holding the very tall Jacob Black. Alice took off her jacket and put it modestly over Jacob. My mother didn't have the mind to notice this as she began running through the woods, her footing amazingly sure.

"Leah went to gather the rest of the pack together. Seth is already waiting at the house." My father said, looking at me without the anger I expected. Without the anger I wanted. That I deserved. He sighed. "So like your mother." I wanted to chase after Bella. To run through the tangled thicket as gracefully and fast as the pure vampires, but knew I would eventually get tripped up.

"The vampire prevented you from hearing me. How did you know to come?" I asked the three who walked with me, picking up the pace. I looked over at Edward, who was looking ahead of him, his focus unbreakable.

"The wolves' minds are loud." He paused for a moment and his voice was softer. "Alice had an unclear vision a few days ago."

"It was a feeling of dread more than anything, so we guessed it had to do with the werewolves since I can't actually 'see' them. We didn't know when it would happen or exactly where." Alice sounded highly annoyed that her vision wasn't better in this case.

"We tried to keep you home for a reason," Edward said, his voice harder than before. "I didn't plan on you tricking me." I couldn't help but feel incredibly guilty as he gave his explanation. My eyes welled with fresh tears and he touched my back reassuringly as we walked. "You were bound to do this sooner or later, I suppose."

Alice began jogging, looking back at us, motioning for us to chase after her. "Come on. Carry her, Edward. We really should run."

"No. Let me try," I said as I picked up my pace, trying to avoid the underbrush that loved to claim my feet. I only tripped up once, but was too afraid for Jacob to really notice it. Jasper grabbed hold of me and hoisted me back up after the fall, getting me back on my feet. When we cleared the woods, we all broke into a fierce run. The world blurred past us as I was able to keep up with the others and we raced back to the house. The entire way all I could think of was how important the werewolf was in my life. He had always been there for me and knew me like no one else would. If he was killed because of my incredible stupidity, I would never forgive myself. If he did manage to survive, I wasn't sure I still ever would.

When we got to the mansion, I noticed Leah and Embry waiting in the yard as we ran past them. I noticed Carlisle's car in the driveway and was relieved he was home from the hospital so he could help Jacob. I heard my mother upstairs, speaking to him in hushed tones. My father and I raced to my room where my best friend now lay, fighting for his life. He was shivering beneath a sheet. I took his hand and quickly sucked in a breath. His normally high body temperature had dropped dangerously low. "He's freezing!" I quickly grabbed a throw blanket and shook it until it unfolded. I tried laying it over him, but Carlisle caught it and set it aside. "His body is fighting the cold," he said in a hushed tone. "If it breaks and he's covered, he could overheat."

Bella took me in her arms and held me tight. "We thought it best to put him in here. This room smells like you." I could just look down at the one who now fought for his life as his body fought the poison. I hoped my mother had drawn enough of the poison from his system. That the wolf in him could stamp out the scant traces of venom that ran through his bloodstream. Vampire venom did not change a shape shifter. It was a poison that simply killed.

Standing over Jake, we must have appeared remarkably similar then. Two creatures who loved the rascally werewolf from La Push, watching over him, willing him to live. If will were enough, he'd have jumped up immediately and said something so very Jake. Something to make me roll my eyes or sucker punch him. Something to make me laugh and send the entire nightmare of the night vanishing. Of course Edward could hear my thoughts. I wouldn't close my mind off to him again anytime soon. He wrapped his arms around Bella and me, and I clutched tightly to him. I felt his fingers slide in my hair, holding me close. He and Jacob made me feel safe in our crazy world. They always seemed to make things better. Would frighten the shadows away. I would take comfort in the arm of steel that held me now. Lean on it's comfort to keep me above the waves of self deprecating remorse.

Alice wandered into the room and over to Jacob. She brushed his long black hair away from his face. "Seth is downstairs and I said he could stay. Leah and Embry refuse to come inside and are in the yard. They said they'll wait there for news."

"Well then, now we wait." Carlisle looked at us with sympathetic eyes. "I'll call Esme and the others. Let them know what's happened." He and Alice quietly left the room, leaving the four of us clinging quite helplessly to hope.

Waiting.


	5. Memories

"_Thanks for coming to the city with me, Jake." It is last year in the late fall and we are walking down the snowy streets of the city, looking for Christmas gifts for our loved ones. I look up at you and notice you have been watching me as we walk. Sometimes you have a tendency to zone out like that when it comes to me. I wave my hand in front of your eyes. "Earth to Jacob…" _

_You don't seem fazed by my interruption of your faraway thoughts. You look away and then run up to a vendor on the street, purchasing whatever the cart has on sale. You bound back and hand me some roasted chestnuts. I take the cone and smile up at you. "I love these."_

_You flash a winning grin. "I know."_

* * *

_It is 4 years ago and I am quite a bit younger. I am hunting by myself. Attempting to take on a mountain lion alone, trying to impress. It was too much for me and before killing it, I am scratched and hurt. I climb into a tree to hide my shame. Everyone knew I was there, but you were the one who came for me._

"_You took this cat on yourself?" You act so astounded with pride. I sniff and wipe my eyes, looking down at you._

"_It scratched me." I say quietly. _

"_Looks to me like you scratched it more." You smile up at me and my heart wells with pride. _

* * *

_I am only months old. I am scared. My mother is afraid and my father seems very serious. You are in the form of a wolf and I am put on your back. I grab tight to your fur, unsure of what is happening. Edward speaks to you but I can't hear what he says and then you take off running. I hold on so tight and you run with a speed that you've never shown since. You are running so fast, taking me from danger. You and me. Jacob and Nessie. _

* * *

I withdraw my memories from him, drawing back to myself. I am reclining beside him, resting against the headboard, my hand on Jacob's head. It has been nearly 12 hours now and I can only hope I am easing whatever pain he may be in as he continues to shiver against the venom. I recall a few more sweeter memories involving laughter, the pack, of peace. I close my eyes and fight against the fear for him to share those happier times. My hands trace through his long, silky hair and I look near the window at Bella. She will never tire by standing still literally forever. I sigh and close my eyes, sharing one of my newest favorites.

* * *

_It is only last week and I'm at the house Esme built for your small pack . It's Embry's birthday. Leah is trying to make him a cake but someone gets into the frosting and it ends up all over the kitchen in an epic frosting battle. _

"_Nessie needs some! Nessie doesn't have enough!" I hear this and dash from the room, running outside before I feel a wad of the white stuff hit me in the back of the head. I turn around to see you holding the spoon, twirling it. You look incredibly smug. Seth comes barreling out of the house with the bowl, Leah shouting after him. We are all laughing and you run at me, grabbing me by the waist. You keep running and as we get nearer to the dock at the edge of the lake, I see the others have run down and already jumped in. You don't stop and I scream as we go flying into the cool water. I narrow my eyes, but can't help but laugh as you begin to splash everyone wickedly. The frosting battle turns into a water war. Even Leah is laughing. _

* * *

That was the best day. Please don't let it be the last.


	6. Expectations

It had been about 20 hours since Jacob had been bitten by the vampire. I stayed with him, falling asleep sitting up, one of the Cullens always watching out for us. No one really knew how to take care of him as his pack was the first to actually maintain a friendship with a group of vampires. It's not as if his condition could be found in a medical reference book.

Alice had taken Bella's place for awhile but now my mother was back, standing vigil over Jacob. I slid off the bed and went over to sit at my computer chair, watching them from across the room. She sat on the edge of the bed and watched him shudder, whispering things so low I couldn't hear. Her and Jacob had been best friends before I ever came into the picture, and she made every attempt to maintain a bond with him, as difficult as it could be sometimes. That sometimes had a lot to do with me.

She laid a cool hand on his forehead and noted no change in his chilled temperature.

"What do you think is happening to him? Why is he so cold?" I asked her this, knowing full well she as much an idea as I did. "I thought you burned when you got bitten…"

She sighed and I noticed for the first time that she looked afraid. She was normally a pillar of strength for me and the pillar was faltering. "I don't know." She closed her liquid amber eyes and her brows pinched together as she recalled an experience. "It does burn. It's probably the worse pain there is. I didn't think I'd survive it." She opened her eyes then and turned to look at me. "But I did. I was strong enough. You made me stronger than I'd ever been, Renesmee. I could have lived through anything because I knew I had to get back to you."

I slid off my chair and went to hug her. She stood up and caught my shoulders before I could, looking me level in the eye. She slid her slender fingers through my hair, which was the exact color of Edward's. "Jacob is even stronger than I was. He will find his way back to you."

"Back to us." I corrected and she smiled softly.

"Yes."

Then in the quiet of the moment, we both noticed a change in the sounds in the room. We stared at each other and then slowly averted our gaze to the bed beside us. We stopped breathing. Jacob was laying perfectly still. No shaking, no cold sweats, nothing close to any symptom he had been exhibiting for almost the entire past day. Instead of elation, I was suddenly panicked.

I quickly heard someone open my bedroom door, and then Edward was next to the bed, looking down at Jacob. Carlisle and Seth were right behind him. Seth stopped to stand next to me. I reached out and grabbed hold of his hand and was comforted by it's warmth. He squeezed mine and watched his pack leader with a fearful, expectant face.

Carlisle's calm presence didn't help our apprehension, but at least he wasn't suddenly timid to touch Jake as we all seemed to be. He laid a cold, pale hand on his head and listened carefully for his breathing. We could all hear the strong heart that beat in his chest. The sound was reassuring, though whatever came out from his ordeal was still a mystery. What if he was no longer the Jake I knew?

"Jacob," Carlisle said softly to him. We waited for the him to say anything in response, to move, to make any sort of acknowledgement. My grandfather looked back at us, at Seth in particular. "His body temperature seems to be returning to normal. His heartbeat is regular. I think he's pulled through the worst part."

Bella sat back on the edge of the bed and traced the warm skin of his cheek with her cool fingers. Jacob stirred then and we all watched him with wary anticipation to see what would emerge once he was fully awake. His nose wrinkled and he grimaced, opening his eyes a bit. They widened when he noticed he had a rapt audience. Clearing his throat, he reached up to take Bella's hand.

"Do me a favor?"

"Anything, Jake!" Bella hovered over him, happy to see him awake, let alone speaking after such a close call.

"Could you open a window. It reeks in here…" My mother suddenly hugged Jacob tightly, kissing his forehead. "No offense, Bells, but you aren't making it any better." He winced, but attempted to hug her back. He was smiling as much as he could.

I wanted nothing more than to jump on my bed and hold onto him as tightly as possible, but something held me back. I wasn't certain if my exuberance would be so welcome now. My heart was full of relief and joy, but tinged with a careful reservation that I'd never known with Jacob.

That wasn't a problem for Seth. As Carlisle opened the windows to let in fresher air, the young werewolf quickly took Bella's place. He clasped Jacob's hand, his own bright eyes spirited and happy.

"You okay, Jake? You're not having any urge to take a chomp out of me or anything?"

Jacob laughed.

"I think I made it through okay." He looked around at everyone. "Thanks."

"We need to keep an eye on you," Carlisle said, pausing at the door. "We aren't sure exactly what the venom did to you."

Jacob nodded. "I feel like I've been through a train wreck." His smile faded a little as he confessed, "I have to say it wasn't easy, though." He looked a little haunted by what he'd been through and I wondered if it hurt him very much. As much as it hurt the people I loved to be what they were. How hard had his body been forced to fight to get the venom out of his system? I frowned and slid slowly over to where Edward stood. I took hold of his arm and he stood perfectly still, letting me use him to hide.

Jacob must have seen me do this because his dark brown eyes then turned to look into mine. For a moment, for the first time in my life, I wanted to hide from them. I swallowed hard, feeling that my throat had gone dry. Waving a bit weakly, I tried a small smile.

"Hey, Jake." I willed my tear ducts to behave themselves. Everyone was quiet, waiting for some kind of reaction from us. To see what I'd do. I could hear the heartbeats of the three of us who actually had beating hearts and the sound was becoming deafening.

"You okay, Nessie?" His features expressed the concern in his question and I just wanted to wipe that look clear off his face. I frowned and could just barely feel Edward pulling away from me and going to stand next to Bella. It seemed he was preparing for some sort of explosion.

"Am _I_ okay?," I reacted rather hysterically to his simple, selfless question. "Jacob Black! You practically almost died!" I looked at him with what must have been the most incredulous expression, but I was even more shocked by his next response.

Jacob began to laugh. I just glared at him. "What is so funny?!"

"I'm sorry, Ness. It's not really a big deal. Everything turned out alright. You're okay. I'm okay." His good natured personality was trying to crush my need to be angry with myself. I blamed the imprinting. What else would cause him to want to calm me and make me happy after I had caused so much havoc? I didn't want to be calmed. I was angry with myself and it was making me suddenly angry with him. I narrowed my preternaturally sharpened gaze at him before turning and promptly walking from the room.

"Nessie! Renesmee! Come on!" I heard him call after me, but didn't stop. He was better. Great, in fact. He didn't really need me hanging round him anymore. He would survive.

More than that, though, I knew I would survive. I was so relieved my friend had made it through that horrible disaster that I had thrown him into. I was still feeling sorry for it. I would need to talk with him soon.

I walked outside and saw that Leah and Embry were waiting there. They had been driving Seth mad for news the entire time. "He's going to be okay." I said, wanting to avoid them. I loved them, but I knew it was my fault their trap had not gone as planned. "I'll see you guys later." I looked up and leapt up into the tree beside the house, then clambered through the branches before swinging to the roof. It would soon be twilight. I would wait. He knew where to find me.


	7. A Changing Heart

The air was cooling, but I was never very sensitive to temperatures. I suppose it's part of the whole being half vampire gig. The sky was past the fiery shades of sunset and was now darkening to a deep sapphire blue with the moon casting a silvery glow over the house and yard. I was vaguely aware that I hadn't had any decent sleep in almost 48 hours, but that was yet another perk of my blood. My endurance was pretty high and I could keep my energy up for much longer than a pure human could. I would eventually need sleep, but for now I was waiting.

To a vampire, apparently Jacob Black smelled of a wet dog. I feel sorry that they can't experience him the way I do. To me his scent is clean, earthy and wild. The other wolves have similar smells, but none is like his. He was coming to see me, and I could hear him and smell that wonderful scent along the lawn and now up the tree.

"Get enough sleep?" I asked, my eyes fixed on the trees across the lawn. I could see him walking across the roof out the corner of my eye. I noticed that he was wearing a pair of jeans that Esme kept on hand for him. He paused when he got to where I was, standing still for a few moments before crouching to sit beside me. He didn't say anything for what felt like several minutes. For a guy who usually said whatever was on his mind, the silence was significant.

"Alice put flowers in your room. I had to escape."

It was something she would do. I wouldn't put it past my aunt to be incredibly thoughtful, as unappreciated as the gift may have been. The air was tense and I hated the silence. Jacob was hardly ever so still.

"So, who do you think they were?" of course I was referred to the vampires who had attacked us. I wondered if everyone knew the answer to that but just didn't think to share it with little Nessie. That idea was just so infuriating. Couldn't they all see I was as grown as they were?

Jacob picked up a stick that was laying on the shingles of the roof. He began peeling it apart as he answered me.

"I don't know. Just some random attack. It's a good thing I was around, huh?" I looked straight at him then to see him smirking, but I wasn't accepting his answer. No way. He wasn't getting away with small, vague answers anymore.

"Cut it out, Jake."

His grin faded. "Cut what out?" His voice sounded a little defensive, but I knew there was more to the story and I wasn't letting it drop.

"Stop treating me like I'm a child that has to be protected from what's really going on." My voice was a little harsher than I had intended, but I had to get the point across. "If I knew where the pack was for the last few days maybe I wouldn't have ended up in the woods, looking for you."

His eyes narrowed. "Don't give me that, Nessie. You were in the woods because you're tired of being a good little girl."

I just sat there and glared daggers at him. I wanted to shout at him that he was so far off the truth. That he had absolutely no idea what he was talking about. I couldn't do that because deep down, I knew he was right. Except for one thing.

"I'm not a little girl."

He stared at me, his eyes frowning. After a few seconds, he turned back to the stick and started really shredding it. "You want to know? Alright." He then suddenly threw the mangled piece of wood and it flew through the air, over the edge of the house. We both faintly heard it hit the ground. He turned to stare directly into my eyes, his own looking pretty serious. "We think they were the fallout from a vampire we took out years back that liked to deal with newborn vamps. Before you were around."

I thought back on the stories I'd been told of my family's history. Jacob was speaking about a vampire he had dealt with along with the Cullens.

"You mean Victoria."

He sighed and leaned back against the attic window. "You know about all that."

"I've heard stories."

"Yeah? Well, it's dangerous, Ness. Newborn vamps making more newborns." He flexed his fingers and looked over at me, trying to make light of everything again. "It lets us wolves get in some satisfying fights. Sharpen our claws."

I didn't find anything funny about what he was saying. Dread filled my heart and I noticed the newly formed silver scar that shown faintly on his shoulder. I wondered if it would ever completely fade.

"You think there are more out there?"

"I'd bet on it."

He must have noticed me tense up a little at the thought of another attack. He leaned in closer to me. "You have me. I can tear apart a thousand more bloodsu-"

"No. You can't" I reached out to touch the scar that was slightly cooler than his very warm skin. "You know, imprinting means you want me to be happy, right?" I raised a brow, questioning him. I used the most adult voice I could come up with. Bella didn't even sound all that adult most of the time and she was my mother. I knew it was pretty far fetched that I'd sound convincingly severe.

"Something like that." He said, warily.

"Well, it would make me the happiest if you didn't have to put yourself in danger to save me all the time." I kept my hand on his shoulder and leaned in to stare into his dark brown eyes, wanting very much for him to take me seriously.

"That's easy." He leaned closer, his face a few inches from mine. The closeness was not entirely lost on me and I struggled not to divert my gaze. "Stop getting yourself in trouble."

My hand slid to his chest and I pushed. He fell back and caught himself before he could land on his back. I leaned in closer. "I don't go looking for trouble!"

"No. You're just Bella Cullen's daughter." He stayed back where he was, but his entire demeanor was lightening up. He was having way too much fun teasing me. Did Bella really deal with this at one time? I didn't want to think of that. Things turned out perfectly the way they should have. Edward and Bella fell in love and then there I was. Jacob was so lucky that I happened to be charmed by his behavior. I sighed and shook my head.

"I could throw you off this roof."

"I'd love to see you try."

I smiled. This was the Jacob I loved best. The dear friend I could fight with and be completely crazy around. I ended our verbal sparring and crawled over to him. He opened his arms as he always would and let me settle against him. I felt him kiss my head and rest his cheek against my hair. It was then that I finally felt how close I had come to losing him. My eyes pricked with tears, but I closed them tight to keep them back. I just leaned further back into him.

"I think I should learn how to defend myself." I let that confession sit in the air for a second. "I have a vampire's strengths, but don't really know how to fight with them. Do you think you guys could teach me?"

He squeezed my shoulders. "Well, I fight as a huge wolf. It's all instinct. I don't have a clue how to handle weapons or move like your bloodsuckers do."

"We are the Cullens, Jacob. Vampire, of which I am half. Not bloodsuckers. Vampires."

"Fine." He sat up straighter, and I adjusted myself accordingly. "Get your family to teach you. I'm thinking Jasper and Emmett are your best bet."

"When I get good, you won't have to protect me so much anymore. We could just focus on being better friends." I said, hoping he would agree. I really didn't think I could stand seeing him so near death again.

"I'll always protect you. Sorry."

"But you wouldn't have to." I pleaded.

"I like to. Besides, don't think you can get rid of me that easy. I can be very, very persistent." He hugged me and I simply sighed.

"Well, I guess I'm stuck with you then."

"That's the idea."

He pulled his knees up and let his arms rest across them, confining me as if to emphasize his protective nature. I lifted one of my hands and began to trace the darker skin of his arms, noticing the lean muscle that lay underneath. It had always been there, but I never really paid much attention. I impulsively took hold of one of his hands and he released it to me. His skin was very warm. I remembered the temperature it had been when he was fighting for his life, almost the same as a vampire's skin. I was so relieved to have Jacob back to normal again. I turned his hand over, laying my palm against his to compare their sizes. Mine looked so small and pale next to his.

"I was really scared out there," I confessed. My voice was soft and the tears that threatened to fall finally did. I inspected his thumbnail with intense concentration, trying to force the tears to stop.

"So was I." His voice was soft and a little deeper than I remembered. I turned my head and looked into his eyes. They were serious, but soft. Black hair surrounded the face I loved, but all I really noticed were those eyes. My breath caught in my throat. This was something completely foreign. I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks and I suddenly released his hand. Something new was happening between us. The change was a little frightening, but I knew I had been simply terrified for Jacob that night. More so than for myself. That fear trumped everything.

I could definitely feel a shift in our dynamic. Things would never be the same as they were before I went into the woods looking for him. We would be epic. I knew at that moment, as much as I was Jacob Black's future, he would be undeniably mine.

I quickly looked back into the night, noticing the fireflies flashing in the woods. They were searching for their other half. The other tiny fly that would complete them. This boy, this man, was mine. Completely mine. Forever. Whatever I needed him to be. One day he would be my perfect half, of that I was absolutely certain. But for now, I needed my best friend.

"Promise me one thing," I asked, hugging his arms to me and he tightened them, resting his chin on my shoulder.

"Just one thing?" He laughed gently. "Only one?"

"Shut up. Yes. One thing, for now." I smirked, the tears drying on my face. "I'll learn to fight. I will. But you have to promise you'll never keep me in the dark again. I want to know if you're in trouble. I want to know where you are when you don't answer the phone for days."

"I'm sorry, Ness."

"Just promise me." I insisted.

"Okay. I promise."

Then, we heard something bursting from the trees past the yard. Jacob called down. "Hey! I thought I sent you guys home!"

We heard our friends race across the yard and jump up into the tree. I crawled out of Jacob's arms and waited for the pack members to make their way to the roof and join us. Seth stood and crossed his arms, looking out at the forest.

"Don't be mad. There's a little herd of deer past the river. We came back to get you."

Leah smirked and shook her hand through her shaggy chin length hair. "We don't sense any more of those vampires from yesterday. It's safe."

Embry crouched at my level and looked at me in the way that begged me to comply. "Safe meaning fun. Hunt, Nessie?"

I laughed and Jacob stood up, ready to go with his pack mates. He looked down at me and raised a brow. "Well? Are we taking down these deer or what?"

I normally would have wanted to go with them, but I felt the need to hold back. There were things I had to think about. Plus, I really needed to rest.

"You guys go. I'm going to try to get some sleep."

They seemed a little disappointed that I wouldn't be joining them, but the thrill of a good hunt quickly overcame it.

"Next time, then. See ya, Ness," Leah said, dropping off the edge of the roof. The two guys waved at me and followed her. Jacob was left. He turned to look back at me and I stood up, wrapping my arms around his neck. He was a little more than a full foot taller than me and had to lean over to catch me up in his strong arms. I gently bit his shoulder simply because I could. He pulled back and kissed me quickly before turning to drop off the edge of the roof.

Surprised, I felt my cursed cheeks grow red again. The pack was laughing as they ran into the trees. The sound of their happiness warmed my heart. I walked to the edge of the roof and leapt out to the yard, the ground reaching up to catch me. I landed in a crouch and then straightened, breathing in the mingling scents. The honey sweetness of the ones I loved inside the house, mingled with wild woods and earth of my second family.

My future choices.

My Jacob.

My life.


	8. Three Months Later

_**(Disclaimer**__: I do not own Twilight. It all belongs to Stephenie Meyer who allows us to play in her wonderful world.)_

_(For those who have stuck with me through The Heart That Howls, thanks so much. Your reviews have been absolutely great and so appreciated. I had originally planned for the last chapter to close that particular story for Nessie. However, it seems that some of you want more. So, I'm pulling it out of completion and back into progress to tack on one extra bit of adventure. For right now, I'm focusing mainly on Nessie and/or Jacob stories. They deserve to be as happy as Edward and Bella are now.)_

* * *

**Three Months Later…**

_Things had been going pretty well after the little attack down at the campsite a few months ago. I was still mending things over with Leah. When someone lets her down, she holds a grudge for ages. I guess she still blames me for getting Jacob hurt that night. In a way I suppose it was my fault. Actually, it totally and completely was my fault. It is difficult to break through to her, but because of Jacob I'm really trying to make the effort._

_As for Jacob and I, well we have become interesting. I guess you could use that word as I have yet to come up with anything different. My mother - Bella - thinks it's kind of cute the way he's acting and says it reminds her of someone she used to know. I know exactly what she's referring to and I absolutely refuse to dwell on the fact that he once thought of her the way he thinks of me now. It is a little strange, but then I have to remind myself that we are strange creatures. Humanity tries to define how everything should be in this world but I know we won't ever be "normal" if we compare ourselves to their standards. We can only do what we do the best that we can and love each other along the way. Carlisle says that's what keeps us monsters from the darkness that constantly threatens to overcome us. Our good hearts and fair choices._

I set my pen down and looked out the window. It was gloomy and seemed as if snow could fall at any minute. The perfect day to go downtown and shop. I would ask Alice if she would like to go as it was her favorite thing to do. As if on cue, my aunt bounced into my room. I turned to look at her and was only able to open my mouth enough to ask her when I was cut off by her usual flighty demeanor.

"Can't. Sorry. I think you're going to the bank this afternoon. I'm guessing to get money to shop?" She busied herself around my room, straightening things. "It's frustrating that I can't "see" you, but I'm definitely sensing the bank." She shrugged, looking a bit sorry that she couldn't go with me for whatever reason.

"Okay. I guess I'll call the guys and see when they can go then." I picked up my phone and looked at Alice as she walked around my room, picking up things to put back. I was a bit of a messy girl.

"Honestly, Nessie. You have yesterday's socks hanging out on the floor." She picked up the offending objects and tossed them in the trash. "Oh, when you're out can you see if the December issue of California Wildlife is at the bookstore yet? Jasper was inquiring the other day."

"Yep. I'll check," I responded. She mouthed a thank you to me as Embry picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Embry. It's Nessie."

"Hey you. Jake isn't here right now."

"Well, I was calling to see if any of you wanted to go downtown to shop today?"

I then heard him shouting for Leah. Oh no. Well, I was making an effort to mend fences, as it were.

"Hello?"

"Leah? It's Nessie. Uh…would you happen to want to go shopping with me today?"

The phone was put into dead silence for a few moments that were becoming obvious enough for discomfort.

"Leah?"

"Yeah. I guess I'll go. I need some stuff."

"Okay, Great! Well, I'm leaving now and I can come get you if you want."

"Um…actually why don't I just meet you there. All my clothes are in the wash, but they'll be out of the dryer in about 45 minutes or so."

"Well, I have to go to the bank first, so I guess that works. Meet me at the bookstore in the mall."

"Will do." She hung up and I let my phone flip shut. I looked at it and hoped it would be a good time. Making solid friends with Jacob's pack was important to me. He practically lived to make me happy, the least I could do was make that easier on him. Besides, the pack were actually really great. I liked all those guys. Even Leah.

Alice had left, but she laid out my coat on the bed before she'd gone. It was the end of November and cold out. Everyone else I knew was not at all effected by the cold weather. My Bella side, however, still felt a bit chill when the snow fell. Though my rapid healing fought to regulate my temperature, I could still feel differences in temperature change. One noticeable difference being the cool touch of my vampire family, versus the very warm embraces of Jacob and the Quileutes. Those differences were felt, but never bothersome. Jacob's warmth was absolutely one of the best things about him and it was always waiting for me.

I found myself smiling as I made my way down the stairs to the huge entrance. I passed Edward as I grabbed the keys to my Audi. "I have my coat."

"I wasn't going to say anything," he said, golden eyes regarding me casually.

"But you were thinking it," I said. "I'm going shopping with Leah."

"I know. Be careful." He smiled as I gripped the handle to the front door and rolled my eyes.

"I know, I know. I'm half you. I think I can handle myself at the big bad mall." I opened the door and he held out a credit card. I shook my head.

"I need cash. I can't wave that thing around all the time. For girls my age, relatively speaking, cash is best. I'm going to the bank first." He walked over and kissed my forehead.

"You grew up so fast."

"Daaaaad." My rapid growth had been something I had no control over, but I had the feeling my parents felt a little cheated. Bella especially. They practically blinked their eyes and I was fully grown. I cocked my head a little and reached out to touch Edward's face, my warmer hand on his cold skin. I shared with him an early memory of my younger childhood. When we would play fairy tale dress up and he would be the king and Jacob would play my prince. I was the princess of course, always a princess.

Edward smiled and stepped back. "Have a good time."

"Love you," I said as I shut the door. I then went to the garage to retrieve my car. As soon as the engine went into a quiet purr, I programmed my mp3s and took off down the road.

* * *

_(I know this chapter was short, but I just wanted to get this second half rolling. The ones to follow should be longer. This continuation of The Heart That Howls is an idea I originally had for a separate story, but it works just as well here. If this works, I may just keep THTH open indefinitely as an ongoing serial story until I'm ready to let it go for good. I'm juggling this and my separate Jake/Ness story, Promised, simultaneously so the next chapters for this may take longer to put out. -Z)_


	9. Friends With Distractions

_(Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and this world she lets us play in. I don't claim ownership of any of it.)_

* * *

The bank is a necessary evil. Us Cullens lead a very privileged lifestyle that does need money to operate - not to mention all the cash we burn. So, I found myself standing in line at my bank, waiting for my turn. I was a teenager, if not literally than absolutely figuratively. I simply had to have cash and since I didn't have an actual ATM card, my fate resigned me to stand and wait. I could actually stand and wait for hours without so much as a fidget, but that wouldn't be one hundred percent human-like. We all tried so hard to appear as good little human specimens.

When it was my turn, I walked up to the teller and put in my order. A couple thousand didn't seem too excessive. It would last me at least a week if I was careful. I pretended to yawn and crossed my arms, waiting for the girl to finish up. I picked at my nail, an attempt to fidget that unfortunately morphed into an actual bad habit. My aunt Rosalie was constantly berating me for that.

I wasn't actually paying too much attention to my surroundings as I'd been at the bank countless times before. I wasn't on alert, but I couldn't mistake the extreme sense that suddenly something wasn't right. I glanced about cautiously at the other people in the bank. It was a rather large building, not like the small branches that peppered a suburban town. This was a city bank, on a typical payday, an hour before closing time. Needless to say, it was busy.

The teller slid me a slip to sign. I forced my distracted mind to wait a moment as I signed my name and she counted off the bills. Then I took the envelope of cash and slipped it into the inside pocket of my coat. As I walked away from the booth, the unmistakable scent of vampire hit me and I spun around, my sharp eyes searching everywhere for whoever was giving off the vibes. There was a vampire - one I was not familiar with - in a building full of people. I automatically slid my hand into my coat pocket, feeling for my phone. I had to call my family. My fingertips brushed nothing but a small, plastic container of mints. I checked the pockets of my jeans and came up empty. Where was my phone?

I quickly left the building and forced myself to walk slowly to my car. I looked all over the inside, swiping the carpets under the seats but coming up short. How could I have forgotten something so important? My phone! It never left me. Ever. I sat in the seat and stared at the building I'd just come out of. Part of me wanted to go back in and hunt. Seek and find the vampire. I was certain it wasn't a vegetarian. The scent had that edge of someone who had feasted on human blood as a pretty regular diet choice. All of us supernatural beings needed money. It was possible that the vampire was just in there for an innocent little transaction and nothing more. Or, any employee in the building at the moment could be unknowingly experiencing their last minutes of life as I sat in a car and debated what to do. Like most people, I unfortunately didn't take the time to memorize every phone number on my speed dial. That was what my phone was for, to hold that information for me. My father would have known exactly who it was and why they were there but I couldn't get in contact with him. Unfortunately, his power didn't reach so far so he wouldn't just "know" that I needed him. They were strangers in that bank - the humans - and not under direct protection of my family. The tentative rules that governed vampire kind were drawn with fine lines. More defined, however, were the rules that Jacob set for his kind. As far as he was concerned, one dead human by cause of vampire attack on his territory meant open season on that vampire.

My eyes narrowed and I took my car out of park, leaving the bank in the direction of the mall. I was meeting Leah. That made my choice for me. I didn't need her angrier with me, though I was sure she'd understand. The world was full of non vegetarian vampires. We were actually considered freaks compared to most of the others we knew - and even considered friends. It was strange being brought up with a code of ethics and morality that shifted gears when with different people. Was I just as bad as them by leaving the unsuspecting humans alone with a killer in their midst? Or did that "killer" have every right to it's sustenance?

I decided to put the moment out of my mind. I'd discuss it with Carlisle when I got home. He set our moral compass and usually knew the right thing to say about such things. For the time being, I was pulling into the parking lot of the shopping center. I found the underground parking that was habit and found the row I always used. I heard the familiar chirp of the car security system engaging as I walked into the mall.

It was the holiday season and the decorations were making their annual appearance. I was relieved the bookstore was close to the entrance as I entered it's comforting familiarity. My parents loved reading and I already read everything in their library. So, buying new books was something I was happy to spend hoards of cash on. Some of the staff said hello to me and I waved, smiling for them. They would never know that I knew so much about their lives. My hearing picked up on their personal discussions as I sipped my lattes and flipped through pages at the café in the store's corner. Oh, these people were under my own personal protection. They hardly knew me, but I liked them and knew them to be good people. _Stay the hell away, mystery vamp._

I wandered down to the magazine area and leafed through the hunting section, looking for a copy of California Wildlife for Jasper. It was tucked neatly in the stack and I pulled it out as a scent that could only be one person drifted into my range. I turned to see Leah walking into the store, her shaggy black hair looking rather cute. She was tall, but I always thought it made her appear like a supermodel the way she carried herself. She thought I was insane, but her low opinion of herself didn't keep men from staring. She would have none of all that attention. She wasn't above actually snarling at men to leave her be. _Go, Leah._

"So. What's up?" She was a tough girl. I was much softer in comparison. Much more girly. I kind of envied her attitude.

"I have to pick this up for my uncle, but we can do anything you want," I said, trying to be agreeable. "Did you want a coffee or anything? My treat." She shifted her weight to one foot and looked around the store. She gave off a "don't mess with me" vibe. It was totally unnecessary, but she was taking in her surroundings as a good werewolf would, acting guarded. She once explained that it's just something they do as a protective mechanism, like how us vampires feel out a room. Jacob does it all the time without being so obvious about it. He says it's just another "wolf thing".

"I have my own money, Nessie. Why don't we get something and walk around." She wandered to the café and I followed. She could be touchy about things like accepting money. She was a proud person. I didn't bring up the fact that her money was from the same fortune pool that mine was from. One didn't put one's finger in the jaws of a wolf to test it's bite, as it were.

We were wandering the halls of the mall with our frothy coffee drinks and my purchase. Leah decided she needed more clothes that were winter themed as cutoffs and tank tops didn't cut it with the snow falling. We ducked into a random ladies fashion store and came out with bags of clothes. I bought her the extra things that she liked but didn't have enough money for right then. I got around it by insisting she couldn't have it until December and that it was gifts. She couldn't really object much to that, though she acted quite irritable. I knew she was happy.

As we ducked into a huge media superstore, I made my way to the auto sound systems. The wolves could definitely use better sound in their vehicles, especially when I rode with them. I was checking out speakers when I sensed Leah behind me. "Hey Leah, what do you think of this one?" I pointed, but was surprised to see Leah standing one isle over. She was smirking at me. _What the-?!_

Hands closed over my eyes and pulled me back against a hard body, heat radiating through my back as my brain and senses quickly determined who it was. Of course. I hadn't even considered him, so I just assumed it was Leah behind me. He let his hands go as I spun around and playfully punched him.

"Jacob!"

He laughed. "That was too easy! I can't believe you didn't know I was there."

I glared at him. "I was busy. You took advantage of my distraction." I crossed my arms and narrowed my chocolate eyes that I knew he loved more than pretty much anything. He reached out and pulled me closer, the heat of his body cooling the initial shock of my reaction. How was it that that simple aspect of who he was could be so destructive to my resolve?

"Maybe you need a new distraction, " he said, his voice deeper than it was been a moment ago. I stared at him, his eyes dark and comforting. He was very warm in every way. He was quickly becoming a huge distraction in my life - the most important part of it. I heard Leah clear her voice none too subtly as I pulled out of his grasp.

"Um…shopping. Which do you think is best, Jake? You know cars," I attempted to move the subject onto something a bit more practical. Jacob was a subject that I needed a clear head to deal with and being near him prevented me from thinking rationally. I wasn't quite ready to take The Leap. I wanted more of this tender sweetness before throwing in the towel that was my childhood. Bella was too quick to do that, but I had immortality as far as we knew. Time was already standing still for us so there really wasn't much hurry. He would wait forever. He would never press or even question our future. It was just more thing to love about him. I sighed.

"Well, these are things that Rose probably knows about. She may be a complete airhead but she does know how to make rich things look better. On the surface." Jacob wandered around before looking up to see Leah in the videogame aisle. His interest began to lead him in that direction. "If you need someone to fix your flashy car collection, I'm your man. Not that a Cullen needs any more speed…" He started pulling out games as I shook my head. Boys and their toys. Leah had been dragged into the world of videogames and succumbed. The wolves' house was usually filled with the sounds of electronic game play or movies. They loved horror films and seeing as they lived on a lake in a forest, it helped to make it that much more effective. When you were the actual creature that people pretended to be in a movie, it kind of killed the horror for you a bit. There were things burned in my memory from my earliest childhood that would make a weaker creature scream in terror. I saved those thoughts in a special place that was etched deeply in my stored memories. They were vivid for me, but the memories would have mercifully faded a bit for those who I loved. For my Jacob. He, who was with me then. My fierce protector who refused to let me go.

"Nessie. Blink, baby." I snapped out of it immediately when I heard Jacob's voice. He didn't even look up or speak too loud, but he was smirking. He knew me better than I even knew myself. I had been watching Leah and Jacob and must have became lost in my thoughts of them. I wasn't aware that I was staring as I did. I tended to think very deeply and very hard about things. When I would lose myself in my mind, I'd forget to appear more human.

I cleared my throat and wandered over to stand by my friends. Something made me remember the vampire from the bank and I felt the need to tell him. I wanted to. He deserved to know. Keeping secrets from him was something I normally abhorred, fighting my family on the issue whenever needed. It wasn't exactly a secret, I just wasn't exactly informing the pack of my observation. I wasn't one of his wolves and therefore had no obligation. I was about to suggest going home so I could at least inform somebody of what I'd sensed - when the plan suddenly skewed.

"So, I was actually here to see a movie. Do you girls care to join me?" His newfound energy and suddenly infectious grin was enough to dazzle me into compliance.

"Sure." I mentally frowned, but a sweet and agreeable smile was fixated on my face. _Jeez, Nessie. Get a grip here. People could be in danger. But…Jacob. Movie! Darkness with Jacob! Dark, Jacob, possible hand holding…! _"Leah? You coming?" I squeaked.

She just looked at me as if the inability for my adolescent immaturity to resist such temptation was annoying, yet also amusing her to no end. She rolled her eyes and shrugged. "Yeah. Sure, what movie?"

"Netherworld," he responded as we made our way to the checkout.

"Isn't that the one were the vampires and werewolves fight each other?" She asked, critically.

"Yep. I figure we can watch our age old feud battle itself out on screen. It will be great for a laugh anyway. Hollywood can't do us werewolves justice."

I crossed my arms and made myself lean on the counter to make up for my lack of forced humanity before. "I'm sure you'll be rooting for the fur."

Jacob looked down at me, his dark eyes flashing. "Loyalty, Nessie. Not that I don't appreciate the vampires now - the tame ones anyway. You'll be rooting for the leeches, then?"

I smirked a bit smugly. "My world is not so simple, my Jacob. I am Switzerland."

He rolled his eyes and I laughed. "Not that again." I thrilled at his reaction. Ever since hearing the story of his past with my parents, I held onto that little tidbit and had been dying for the perfect time to test it out.

"My mother _had_ to choose. I already have both. Forever. So, yep." I stretched up on my tiptoes to kiss his warm cheek. "If it makes you feel any better, you're still my favorite." He smiled and wrapped his leather jacketed arm around my small shoulders, kissing my curls as Leah joined us. We made our way down the mall in the direction of the theater, laughing as we lost ourselves in each other and the moment. The lingering thoughts of the event at the bank slipped to the back of my memories.

My priorities were selfish.

So be it.


	10. If Only

_(Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. It all belongs to Stephenie Meyer.)_

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_This movie has got it so wrong. It's amusing how humans depict the things they don't understand. I do like that corset though. Alice will know exactly where I can get one. I'm glad my werewolves aren't beastly things like these guys. Mine are sleek and powerful but gorgeous as actual wolves are meant to be._

I took a sip of my soda, my eyes never leaving the manufactured chaos on screen. Jacob was very sly as he took my hand before I could settle it back into my lap. He didn't exactly hold onto it, but rather let my hand settle comfortably in his. He usually did things like that, and I know it's because he wants to give me the option of pulling away. I stopped moving and bit my lip as I quickly assessed my options. He seemed very engrossed in the action scene playing on screen, he and Leah laughing at normally inappropriate times. I suddenly shifted my small frame in my seat and let go of Jacob's hand in favor of clutching onto his arm. I rested my head on his shoulder. He looked down at me and I glanced up, giving him a smile which he returned with one of his own. Something on screen caught his attention and in an instant he was back to cheering on the werebeasts. Those things on screen were not wolves, in the humble opinion of a girl in the know.

After the movie, we walked out of the theater chatting about it. Leah seemed to forget she was in public and let down her guard to allow herself to be animated in her discussion with Jacob. I noticed how vibrant this made her appear. I also noticed the attention she was drawing to her and I eyed the guys around us cautiously. I really didn't want the spell to break and pulled at Jacob's hand, dragging them into the rest of the mall.

"The vampire girl got her vampire/werewolf hybrid thing. Joy!" I said sarcastically.

"That would never happen." Leah said.

"Only in Hollywood," Jacob added as we started making our way to the parking lot. I smiled at him, but something about the movie was causing me to think. It wasn't a new course of thought, but one I didn't like to dwell too much on. I was only technically 8 after all and though I was fully mature, I still felt too young to seriously consider such possibilities. However, one day a hybrid like the one on screen might possibly be a reality. I was an extremely rare anomaly, so what might the odds of another such thing hold in store for a future with Jacob? I decided I wouldn't think about it. I was fighting not to rush things. There was time enough for that later. Much, much later.

"So, I'll meet you back at your house," Jacob said as we stood near my car. He practically lived at the Cullen's home when I wasn't hanging out at their house. It was hard for him to be away from me for long. Not that I minded a bit. I hugged Leah goodbye, which was a bit awkward for her, but I could tell she was also making an effort to be accepting of me. She had a genuine smile on her face when we pulled back.

"Okay. I'll see you later, Nessie. This was actually fun," she said and I nodded.

"I had fun, too."

I tossed my purchases into my car and slid into the driver's seat. As I drove away, I saw them hold up hands as if to wave before Leah smacked his arm for something I couldn't hear. He threw her a look that mocked offence before grabbing hold of her, trying to tickle her. She thrashed and they were at each other as always. I couldn't help but smile. The two were like siblings the way they'd play around. They fought and bickered constantly, but they could also be very generous with each other. The pack was small and they formed a sort of family. I was glad that they were finally considering me a part of it.

I started driving down the darkened evening roads in the direction of home. Jacob would be over and I knew it wouldn't matter what we did as long as he could be wherever I was. It had always been that way with us. The dynamic duo. There really wasn't anything my family could say about the matter as they all knew Jacob was mine and wasn't going anywhere. My mother liked having him around, and he made me happy, so it was just a reality that the Cullens dealt with.

My head was swimming with thoughts of Jacob and how great the afternoon had gone. I was just out of the downtown limits when I realized there was a car behind me that wouldn't back off my tail. The road was dark with exception of the vehicle's headlights. I sped up a little faster and the driver behind me fell back for a few seconds before speeding back up to tailgate closely. Humans didn't know not to mess with the likes of me. Scowling, I deliberately slowed down. If it was a jerk being aggressive, trying to intimidate me, I'd try to really piss them off. I wasn't the sweet faced, frail little teen I looked like. I couldn't see the car as the driver kept flashing the high beams and started in on honking the horn. I slowed down more and the car was practically sitting on my bumper. They began laying on the horn. I was tempted to stop the car, get out, and teach them a lesson for the ages. Tempting, but Carlisle would give me a lecture about keeping our strengths a secret from mortals and blah blah blah…

That did it. I floored the gas pedal and shot away. I'd drive home and see how my harasser took to facing down a family of vampires. Well, to him a house full of intimidating adults since we were vegetarian vampires. _Lucky for you_. I smirked when the speedometer hit 80 and checked to make certain the chasing car was keeping up. Good. _Payback's a bitch_. My eyes narrowed and I imagined my chaser's excitement at terrifying a poor girl. Some people were just sick and monstrous in nature with or without supernatural blood. I wondered if Edward could hear my mind yet and started filling my head with visions of my situation. I manufactured creative pictures of vengeance just for him as a heads up.

_THUD_

Suddenly, I jumped when the roof of my car dented in. I yanked the steering wheel to the right, struggling to steady my car back onto the road, slowing my pace a little. My heart was racing. Someone was on my car. I checked the rearview and could see the other car following as close as ever. Okay, so, there was more than one after me. _Daddy! _I wasn't sure if he could hear me, but I was starting to get scared as the situation took a sudden turn downhill. The glass of my side window shattered inward, sending pieces of cut glass raining over me. I screamed. There were only a few things that I knew of strong enough to do that and I doubted there was a huge wolf on my car. A masculine hand reached in and grabbed for the steering wheel. I quickly took hold of it and pulled in the opposite direction when he pulled to the left. I slowed my speed to keep control, continuing to fight with the vampire on my car. My quick mind ran through my best survival options and I suddenly remembered I had actual weapons. I was strong enough to keep hold of the wheel with one hand as I popped open the glove compartment. Feeling around, my fingers closed around one of a handful of throwing knives Jasper had been training me with. I swiftly drove the sharp blade into the vampire's hand, hissing in my sudden adrenaline rush. I could hear a roar of pain outside the car and stabbed him again, repeatedly.

The next thing I knew, I was sent flying off the road when he suddenly let go. My reflexes fought for control and I slammed on the brakes before hitting a tree. The crash was much less than it would have been had I not been so fast, however, the car was still impacted. I started to shake, the scent of enemy vampires hitting my senses. _Foolish Nessie_! I'd forgotten about the bank. The vampire's scent was exactly the same. I quickly searched the glove compartment and pulled out the rest of my small knives. I screamed when steely hands grabbed hold of me by the upper arms, dragging me from my seat and out the window. I hissed as I was slammed hard against the remains of my Audi. I hid the knives up my sleeve and glared at my attacker.

"You're making a huge mistake," I managed to say, wishing my silvery voice didn't sound so small and pathetic. The vampire was taller than I was, with dark hair and blood red eyes that weren't looking at all friendly. I would have considered him wildly attractive if I were human prey. Fortunately for me, I knew better. He smirked and I could plainly see I wasn't intimidating him at all. He breathed in my scent and his eyes narrowed. I let a blade slide into my palm.

"Oh, I don't think so. You are Renesmee Cullen, correct?" His voice was very even and soft, as if he were casually chatting over the morning paper. I struggled lightly to give him a false idea of how strong I was. He pushed me harder against the car and I stopped moving. This wasn't good. I couldn't use my name as a threat.

"You were at the bank…" I could see the one driving the car get out and linger near the vehicle. He was patiently waiting for something. I turned my attention back to the one holding me.

"You are a very perceptive child." He stared into my eyes and I had an overwhelming urge to cover any exposed skin. My human blood screamed "fight or flight" as I fought not to cringe. I could hear my heart beating hard in my fear and so did the one holding on to me.

"Yes? Well…I'm also highly protected and you do not want that kind of vengeance coming down on you, so you really should let me go," I managed to say through gritted teeth. My brown eyes narrowed and I wished I had my hair tied back as tendrils were blowing into my line of sight. I shook my head.

"You family is formidable. I will give them that. However, I'm more concerned with the wolves by the lake," he said quickly, twisting his head in a way that made me question his sanity. He laughed a little as if to himself and when he looked back at me, it was with sheer disgust. "Yes. I have a score to settle with those filthy beasts." I tried to figure out what he was talking about. He knew about the pack and he knew about me…

"I really don't understand what I did, but -"

"Your wolves ripped apart Sienna! She's dead!" If I could be any paler, I'm sure it showed as all blood dropped out of my face.

"The campsite.."

He shot me a menacing glare that confirmed it. The female that had bitten Jacob back in August must have been this one's mate. Fabulous. The cycle of revenge seemed to be proving a very effective way for vampires to get rid of their own - then the shape shifters got involved. If we kept it up, we would all soon go extinct.

"She attacked me first!" I shouted in defense of my friends.

He snarled. "She's gone! It doesn't matter how or why," he said, his voice breaking slightly. "I exist in a state of agony since that day. I did not agree with her obsessive need to destroy those dogs but she was a tracker." He closed his eyes and a small part felt kind of sorry for him. I couldn't imagine losing Jacob. But, I almost had lost him and all because of this Sienna that my attacker was mourning for. "She wouldn't let up. Insisted it was vengeance for what happened to Victoria."

"That was years ago…,"I said, but I knew it was pointless. Time had no meaning for those such as us.

"Victoria turned her, and then promptly died. Without guidance, Sienna would go after random targets for sport. I was so enamored with her. For some reason, she saw something in me and we…" He trailed off and I could see fresh pain wash over him. He was quiet for a time and I wondered if I should break the silence - or try kicking him - when he suddenly snapped out of it. "Only recently did she remember the wolves that aided in killing Victoria. She decided it was her new target. Foolish woman…"

I did feel sorry for the creature before me. However, I feared for my own safety more. I could feel his grip on my arms loosen slightly as he cycled through his memories. I played with the idea of showing him Sienna's final moments that I remembered, but they were full of horror and fear and wouldn't work for my benefit. Instead, I thought it best to try getting out of there. I gathered my strength and swiftly dropped down as fast as I could. I found my arms free as they tore loose from his grip. I grabbed his feet, and yanked at them in the same second. Caught off guard, he didn't fall, but staggered in surprise.

It was enough.

I took off running at a blinding speed in the direction of my home. Everything rushed past me in a blur as I fought to keep up the blinding sprint. I could hear the swift steps of my pursuer a few yards behind me. I could not afford to trip up or slow down.

_EDWARD!! _

I mentally screamed for my father, hoping I was getting close enough to the house. Remembering my knives, I held one in my hand and got ready for the moment to let it fly. I couldn't let myself slow down to get a trained shot. I quickly spun around halfway, letting the blade fly behind me. I heard the metal strike pavement. Damn! Where were Jacob and Leah? I hoped they would drive down the road on their way home and help me, but the dark road in the middle of the woods was lonely and quiet. I was handling the situation on my own. Grabbing a second blade, I spun again and let go. This time, I heard a cry of pain. There wasn't much time for any rush of satisfaction as I avoided a rock, leaping over the obstacle.

_EDWA-!!_

A sharp, stabbing pain lanced into my back and I cried out, stumbling. I forced myself to keep running, but I was definitely slowed from the pain. I reached back and could feel the metal sticking out of my jacket. I didn't have a chance to pull the knife out and had to endure it as I continued to run. Didn't Jasper say not to keep your back unguarded when throwing? I literally handed my enemy a weapon with which to stab me in the back. Brilliant.

Something grabbed hold of my hair and I found my head yanked back. I stumbled and would have fallen back against the vampire, impaling the blade further, if my reflexes weren't on high alert. I twisted to face him and he had me tightly in his grip.

"Would you mind…pulling my knife…out of my back…," I snarled, planning to knee him, kick him, give him my sun memory flash, or whatever I could possibly fight with once it was out.

"You deserved it." He sneered and inhaled the scent of my blood. I noticed his eyes darken dangerously to black. "Revenge is sweet. My Sienna went for the direct approach when it came to the dogs. I'm not so single minded." He grimaced. It would have been a wicked grin if he wasn't so depressed. I wouldn't be able to wait for him to take out the knife. I kicked him as hard as possible but he only gripped me harder. I forced my hands free and gripped his head, hissing as I shared my memory of Sienna's final screams as Jacob ripped out her throat. I followed it with the bright, blinding light of the sun. The memory threatened to make my own eyes water, but I held it. I heard the vampire scream. I struggled to get out of his grip when I felt a searing pain at my shoulder. My eyes flew open in shock and I looked around. The second vampire from the car was at my back, his lips smeared with blood. Panic began to set in as I fought to comprehend what had just happened.

No.

This was not happening. I felt the faintest prick of something sharp on my arm. The one who'd bitten me was holding a syringe. Hissing, I struggled with all my strength, but already could feel that begin to ebb. The adrenaline coursing through me was forcing my heart to push the venom and sedative faster through my system. Damn my touch of humanity. I felt tears prick my eyes as I felt my fate slip out of my fingers. I could feel myself being picked up as I fought to remain awake. Where was I being taken to? My family was only about 20 miles down the road.

_Daddy! _My mind cried for him to help me. He would bring everyone and these guys would be venom smears. If he could hear me at all, he would be carrying me home instead of these monsters taking me somewhere. What would venom do to me? Would I ever see my family again?

What would happen to Jacob?! My last thoughts before I slipped to oblivion were of him. Of his beautiful face and my worry of how he would cope if I never saw him again. If only I had remembered my cell phone or I hadn't gone to the movie. If only one of the wolves had driven by.

If only.


	11. Changes

_(Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does.)_

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Why wasn't I burning? I had been bitten and should have been experiencing the searing inferno of transformation. Was it over? How had I managed to avoid the inevitable agony? I paused and realized that impossible as it seemed - my heart was still beating. I wasn't dead. I wasn't a fully formed vampire. I opened my eyes.

Darkness. My eyes were wide open but all I knew was cold darkness. .I was laying on a cold, hard surface, but was afraid to move because I knew I wasn't alone. I could smell human blood mingled with the sweetness of vampires. I closed my eyes and there was no change in scenery as I inhaled the scents, trying to form a story that would explain where I was. I had been born with the thirst for human blood. I was created on it. My mother feeding me the life giving nectar as I was forming inside of her fragile human form. I knew not to take it from the source. I swore I would never make such a mistake and I've kept that vow. Carlisle, Bella and I have resisted our entire lives and I was determined to keep it that way.

The senses that I could make use of were reaching out to explore. The scent of human blood was teasing me and my throat faintly burned from it. When was the last time I'd hunted? I didn't want to make a sound or else the vampires would know I was awake. I was cool and the air was still. It was deathly silent, despite my beating heart.

Wait.

Only one beating heart. The one that was mine. I smelled the unmistakable scent of human blood. I'd know that temptation anywhere. So what was going on? I decided that it was a curiosity that deserved explanation. Far beyond my desire to be still and unchallenged was my desperate need to know exactly what situation I was actually in. I tried to sit up and found that I wasn't restrained. The shuffling of my clothing was soft, but in the absolute quiet, I may as well have been rolling around in bubble wrap.

"Hello?" My voice was soft and hushed. There was no answer. I felt around for the people that I could sense. They must have been dead. My fingertips met nothing but the cold, dusty floor. I heard the soft shuffle of fabric.

I froze.

"I know you're there." I moved to stand and reached out to touch any surface available. I walked forward, away from the scent of vampire. My fingers touched a solid wall and slid across it. It had groves that formed a square shape with something that felt like a lock embedded in the surface. I felt the entire wall and the entire surface repeated the same pattern. Many locked squares on a wall…

I suddenly heard the rustling move closer and I spun around, getting down into a crouched position.

"Get back!" I said, but it came out with a hiss. I was preparing myself to fight. My knives were gone so I would have to use my defensive attacks. "Where am I?"

"The bank," a voice said and I immediately recognized it as the voice of my initial attacker. Did he kill the people I smelled in the room? Were they his kill? Where they the people I drove away from earlier in the day? My blood froze when I realized their deaths were because I left them to the whims of this vampire.

"You were the one I sensed here earlier today," I said, my voice in monotone.

"When I saw you alone, I couldn't believe my luck," he said. "You are the best revenge for Sienna I could have hoped for. Destroy your humanity and leave you to your mutt."

"Your plan failed," I said, trying to sound brave. "Your friend's venom is crap." I felt for the bite mark on my shoulder, but it had already healed. I heard him laugh but there wasn't any mirth behind it.

"No. It just didn't work the way I planned."

I froze and wondered what he meant.

"Why are we in the dark?", I asked as I timidly starting to pat around the room again.

"We're in the vault. When the bank closed and we sated our thirst on the employees, we stashed their bodies in here. It was only convenient to stash you here, too." My heart sank. Those deaths were on my conscience. I cleared my throat.

"Why are we in the dark? Vaults have lights." I was adamant to know the truth. I heard and smelled him back away from me. His answer chilled my bones.

"It's possible you're stronger than I am right now and the dark puts you at a disadvantage. I can't afford to die by your vengeful little hand. I need to see your dog's reaction to what we did to you before I'm dead."

I began to panic. I asked him with a low voice that seemed barely audible, "What did you do to me?" He was not forthcoming with an answer. I felt around the floor for the bodies of the victims that were causing my throat to prickle with heat. "You know you're dead. For whatever you did to me. If you hang around until my family finds me, they will end you." I seethed in my fury, built on a strength I didn't know I had. It was easy to be brave when you couldn't see your opponant.

"I'm depending on it." That threw me. The guy wanted to be ripped apart. Because that was exactly what he was asking for if Jacob got to him first. "Sienna's gone. You wouldn't have any idea what it feels like to be torn from your mate, little girl. This existence has lost it's meaning."

So, there it was. His revenge for Jacob and Leah killing his mate was to make me undesirable to my werewolf. He had hoped to transform me, to put me into the process of conversion and wait for them to find us. Except, something went wrong and I didn't succumb. Apparently I do not die from venom, which was good to know. However, something had happened to me. Something of significance.

"You'll get your wish," I said, certain he was close to being mauled by a raging wolf. Unless…

I crouched to feel more defensive, more dangerous. "Or, I could tell them not to kill you. Jacob will do what I ask, and my family aren't as led by instinct. You'll sit and suffer." He was quiet, most likely considering my threat. I was tense, the worst part not knowing how I was changed. What happened to me? I kicked around for the bodies that didn't seem to be there, determined to find them.

"They aren't here. Malcolm took them away to finish the change," he said. Was Malcolm the name of the one who'd bitten me? I heard the vampire's voice, but wasn't comprehending. I could smell human beings in the room! My throat was prickling from the thirst. I could hear the vampire give forth a small laugh. "Maybe my plan didn't fail so much after all, hmm?"

He was lying. I told myself that he must be - but I knew it was no lie. It was only the trace scent of those poor souls who had been there but were now laying somewhere else, burning in the fires of conversion. I found the wall and slid down it, hugging my knees to my chest. I was suddenly too terrified to move. I didn't want anyone to come for me. To find me. What would they think of me? What would I do when I crossed a human's path? Was it permanent? I had a million immediate questions and no one to answer them.

"They are looking for me right now. My father will get close enough and know everything." _Don't let Jacob come with you. Bring Jasper. Bring Emmett. Keep Jacob away. Please!_ I knew it was a fruitless request. There was no way on Earth anything could keep Jacob from me. I would be devastated if I'd become something he'd find distasteful. What if the vampire really had won?

Then I heard sounds coming from beyond the vault. I found that I had for some reason assumed the door was in the opposite direction. My heart lept in my throat and for a second, I believed it could be Malcolm returning. Well, I'd have strength on my side if it was.

"RENESMEE?!" It was Bella. She was shouting for me and her voice was strangely muted through the thick door. Instead of running to the door, I tried to make myself as small as possible. They knew where I was. I could hear Emmett shouting something about the cameras already being torn down before an angry series of barks. No!

"Momma?!", I answered her, not knowing if she'd hear me. Someone was working at the door, I could hear it begin to creak. I buried my head in my arms, refusing to look up when the light would come flooding in. I would refuse to look at Jacob. I would refuse to breathe.

I could feel the change in air temperature when with a churning, metallic tearing sound, the door to the vault was torn away. I could feel someone touching me, pulling me into hard arms of steel. I slid my arms around the neck of the one who held me and realized it was my uncle Jasper. I was relieved it was him.

"Don't let go of me," I whispered to him.

"Trust me," he said, and I did. I knew he would protect me from hurting others and myself. He gave me the courage to look out into the vault, but I should have known better. I met the eyes I'd wanted to avoid. Tears formed in my own as Jacob stared into me. I could hear a growl begin to rumble in his throat.

"Jake?" My arms tightened around Jasper and he winced, pulling them a little away from him. I loosened my grip and kept my eyes on my best friend. "I'm sorry, Jacob."

Jacob was clearly enraged and he suddenly turned to face the vampire who'd held me captive. Edward and Emmett were standing over my captor, but made no effort to keep Jacob from attacking. Edward must have known my wishes not to give the vampire the death he so craved, but it was as if they were only waiting for Jacob to work out his revenge.

"Jacob! No!" I shouted at him. He looked back at me once and caught my eye. There was nothing stopping the will behind those eyes. Turning, he lunged at the vampire, fangs bared and lethal. I turned my head then, burying my face in my uncle's shoulder. I didn't need to see it. How could I blame Jacob for dealing out his own vengeance? I could hear the granite sounds of vampire flesh tearing as he ripped my enemy to shreds.

"Let's just go," I murmured to Jasper. "I want to go home."

"Take Nessie home," Edward said to Jasper as my mother walked over to us. The light in the vault was very dim, streaming in from the streetlights outside. "Emmett, could you go with them…just in case?" My father added the last bit under his breath but I could hear it clearly. Apparently my hearing was amplified as well. "Jacob and I will finish up here." That meant they were going to discuss things in private. Edward knew all of us better than we knew each other. Was this really that bad? What was Jacob thinking? Was I hurting him too badly? I could feel a lump form in my throat and refused to look out at anyone.

"Let's go home. It'll be okay, sweetie," Bella said to me, but I knew she was probably at a loss of how to really handle the situation. None of us really knew what was happening to me. Jasper carried me out of the vault and I knew the evidence of the massacre would have to be gathered and dealt with. Jacob would be busy with Edward doing that. I would have time to gather myself before seeing him again. It would give him time to let it sink in. Now I really was a freak. The same as always, just now suddenly far more vampire than human.

When we got outside, I clutched tighter to Jasper when my throat was suddenly scorched. No one was nearby to see us leaving the bank but there were vulnerable humans nearby. They were most likely just around the block at the movie theater. I could taste the humanity in the air. It snapped into me like a rubber band to skin. I tried to hold my breath as long as possible.

"Nessie! Baby, are you okay?", I heard Rosalie's voice and felt her fingers stroke my hair. Rose was there? I let out the lungful of air I'd been holding and prepared myself for another. I breathed in and suddenly there was nothing I needed more than to sate the thirst. A rush of addiction more potent than anything I'd ever imagined assaulted my better sense and I suddenly craved a harsher burn. The desire was overwhelming. I quickly held my breath, but it hurt far worse this time. I lifted my hand to Jasper's face to better explain since speaking stole my air. I quickly expressed to him the dire need I had to get away from the city. I was sending him my terror in a tidal wave. I felt him stumble from it.

"Jasper! Get her in the car!", I heard my father's voice call out from the bank, but it was just a noise less interesting than the buzz in my brain. The people around me were obstacles in my path. I turned then and stared out in the direction of my prey. Just one. They had all killed, save for two of them. Would it matter if I took just one? I needed it. Jacob would forgive me. He forgives everything.

I heard someone gasp. Was it Bella?

"Her eyes!" I felt myself being moved with lightning speed to the car. It was like I was detached from sense and suddenly began to struggle in Jasper's arms. The more savage I became, the more panicked the tiny part of me that was still human became. My uncle tightened his grip, but I found he was no match for my newfound strength. I hissed at him and fought desperately to be free, breaking his hold. I turned to run in the direction of the humans I craved, but was caught in another snare. Emmett held tight to me and it was harder for me to break free of that strength. I was stronger than Jasper, but now I was up against one with strength almost equal to my own.

"Let go of me, Emmett!" I snarled at him. He held tight to me as he got in the back seat of his jeep.

"You know you don't want that, " he said through clenched teeth. "Rose, get us out of here."

I struggled against rock hard body that was holding me so tight. We both knew I was just a little stronger than he was. I would have overpowered him eventually, save for one thing. Jasper was sitting next to us, and he looked much too calm than he should have, considering the waves of desperation I must have been giving him. He was very good at his talent. Rosalie had us all on the road, unfortunately we had to pause at a stoplight, just outside the very theater that was torturing me. It was becoming unbearable. My throat was on fire, but instead of struggling and savagely fighting to scramble out of the jeep, I found my muscles felt too heavy to make the effort. The calm Jasper had over me was snuffing out my motivation, but not the pain. Tears formed in my eyes and I curled into a ball, as Emmett loosening his grip. My head rested in his lap and I began to shake as I held my breath. I felt him rub my back and I opened my eyes to see the amber eyes of my mother staring at me from the passenger seat.

"Hold on, baby. We'll get you home and you'll be okay."

I couldn't answer her. I couldn't say that my brain was screaming with no thoughts but the need to feed. I could only lay there and suffer.

"Drive faster," I managed to growl. We were nearly outside the city and Rose accelerated. I fought to focus on the burn, trying to turn it into something else. Something I could have power over. As we got further away from the city limits, the pain began to fade somewhat and I found I could breathe again. "I won't be able to leave the house," I said, stating a fact. I managed to sit up and settled in between the two guys.

"We'll get you through it." Jasper put his arm around my shoulders and I leaned against him. I could feel new tears forming.

"What if I'm venomous? What about Jake?" It was something I'd been able to think about once the burn began to wear off. Of course, the first thoughts I began to have when I could think straight were of him. If for some reason I had venom, I could hurt him. It was a horrific thought.

"Jacob loves you forever no matter what," Bella said, turning to look at me. "You just have to be careful until we can figure this out." Well, I guess biting him was now out of the question.

We drove in silence for awhile on the dark road. Emmett reached for the driver's controls and rolled the windows down to let in the fresh air of nature that we Cullen's loved. It helped to clear out the lingering scent of human prey. I sat up a little from Jasper and looked at him, imagining all the history that he'd gone through to get to where he was at that moment. "Now I can see why it's hard for you to resist sometimes." He looked at me evenly for a bit before smiling softly.

"It can sometimes be hard, but I have Alice and our family when I need help. You have us and you have Jacob," he said, and I thought about how lucky we were to have each other. Our little family. It was at that moment that I noticed movement along the side of the road, just beside the trees. I turned to look out my own window and could make out the forms of a few huge wolves racing alongside the speeding car. They were my friends. Jacob's small pack. The wind coming through the window smelled of them - and somehow different. I noticed the change in their scent and wrinkled my nose. Was that the wet dog smell the vampires would complain of? It wasn't all that bad, but then again, I was biased.

"Look who's here to check on you," I heard Bella say from the front seat. I let my head rest against Jasper and watched Embry's powerful form as he kept up with the car. Leah was shooting out in front of the other two - ever the speed demon. Rosalie slowed a bit to make it easier for them. In response, I heard several yips and barks.

"They can keep up," I said, watching them run. Jacob probably sent them, or else they were worried I might do something stupid. I was feeling more and more ashamed of my hideous behavior the more the hunger faded. I had hissed, fought, growled, and almost murdered humans. The worst part was that I found myself powerless to control it, and it was as if _my conscience didn't matter_. The thought scared me. What if it happened again? As if he knew what I was thinking, Emmett looked at me, his attitude somewhat reassuring.

"We've got your back. We've all been through this, more or less," he said and smiled a little. He didn't seem daunted by it.

"I was so stupid," I said, picking at my nail.

"No one's judging you," Bella said, firmly. "You have a heartbeat. You have tears. I don't know what's going on, but we'll figure this out. You just seem to be like a newborn right now. All us vampires went through it, so we know how you feel."

"Uh, correction. Make that MOST vampires, Mrs. Cullen." Emmett grinned and I couldn't help but smile a little. Leave it to him to lighten up a mood. My mother pretended to look offended, but it was no secret that she'd had an easy time of being a newborn. Was that what they could say I was - jacked up on newborn? I settled in for the remaining ride home, glad I would be able to simply touch anyone who wasn't there to explain the whole thing.

At least one thing would be easier.

Lucky me.

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(If this chapter seemed a bit confusing, it will be cleared up in the next one. Carlisle will get involved and that man has connections. I'm writing in the first person, so because Nessie doesn't understand what's happening to her (and neither does her family), we don't either. It was important to me to imagine what a newborn might experience, to get in their head. She isn't a newborn, but she has the symptoms of one. I always wondered what Bella would have gone through if she didn't have such an easy newborn experience. Through Nessie, I can play with that idea.

I want to thank you all for sticking with me as I explore Jake and Nessie. I appreciate all the critiques and reviews! Keep reading and I'll keep writing. -Z)


	12. Eyes Of Red

(Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. It's all Stephenie Meyer's baby. )

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_It isn't easy being me. You'd think it's be the greatest life imaginable. I can do so much and am so strong. I'm practically invincible. Yeah. If only it was really that simple. I was born this way. It's the only way of being I've ever known. So, when the vampire side of my DNA is suddenly jacked up to the stratosphere, it's like enter Renesmee the superhero. Right. More like a superhero for Death. _

_Why don't you wake me when it's over._

I sat on the creamy colored leather sofa, watching as the members of my family looked down at me and proceeded to comment about my situation. As if I were something of such fascination on display at a zoo. I brought my knees up to my chest and hugged my legs. I had seen my eyes. Rosalie had passed me a hand mirror earlier on and it now lay upside down on the marble topped coffee table.

"I should go order some contacts for you," Alice said smartly as she pulled out her phone and went to the corner to take care of it. She had been acting distracted ever since we'd gotten back to the house and now seemed relieved to leave the Nessie inspection party. I did look freaky. Well, more like a typical blood eyed vampire, but freaky for me. It was just as well. There was no way I was going anywhere near the city until whatever had happened to me wore off. If it ever would. The thought of not finding a solution to my problem put a knot of dreadful fear in my heart. Not for myself. Each of my family members had found a way to handle the thirst, and I was also a Cullen. I would deal with it and I'd have them to keep me from making mistakes.

I was proud to be a Cullen. Proud to be the very rare creature that I was. I never had the sense of remorse, or felt bad for the vampire blood that flowed through my veins. At least not until now.

My thoughts were my own and I was trapped in my head with them. I let the adults around me converse and stare. I'd give them less to stare at by hiding my face in my knees. I had this ability to hold onto memories for far longer than most people, vampires included. Yet with all the thoughts I could be playing back to block out the fear that threatened to take me over, I couldn't seem to get the perfect afternoon at the mall with my best friend out of my head. I was such an idiot. I should have told Jacob that I sensed that vampire at the bank. I knew it would have been the right thing to do. It was so easy to say something like that after the fact. Hindsight is a bitch.

I could hear fast chatter in sharp tones and it broke me out of the thoughts I was burying myself in. Bella was discussing things fervently with Jasper and Emmett. It had something to do with the newborns. I picked my head up and looked to where they were arguing. They were attempting to speak in hushed whispers, but I could hear every word they were saying with perfect clarity.

"The trail is hot, Bella," Emmett said.

"I know. I just…she could really use you guys here. I could use you."

"If we go now, it won't take long. We can spare those poor souls an unending life of horror before it begins," Jasper was adamant. He looked disturbed, almost shaken by what he was electing to do. Was he suggesting killing those people?

"Bella, these newborns have to be stopped," Emmett said to my mother. "Do we want them coming back to target the wolf pack or Nessie? Because they will. You know they will."

It was true. They would never stop. But it didn't mean that what Jasper planned to do was right.

"So, you want to end their vampire life before it has a chance when you could save them", I said, looking at Emmett. "Like how Carlisle saved you." I could see Rosalie step in front of him, looking as if she disapproved of what I was saying.

"Renesmee, that is completely unfair. That was a totally different situation," she said, sounding like an aunt and not so much the "sister" we were trying to pretend to be.

"Can't it work out the same for those people? They were in the wrong place at the wrong time just like Emmett. Just like most of you were." I shook my head and looked at Jasper. "You are still going to kill them though, aren't you?"

Jasper had that look on him that meant he was very set in his path. The only person who ever had luck in swaying him was Alice. I looked at her. She was off the phone, hanging out near the kitchen. She was watching the argument in silence.

"Are you going to let him just go and kill those people?", I demanded of her, hoping she would respond to my impassioned plea. "We can teach them how not to eat people. I'm dealing with this newborn thing, too." Alice had an apologetic look as she walked over to sit next to me on the sofa.

"For one thing, I don't _let_ Jasper do anything and I'm very reluctant to stop him when he's so adamant." She looked at my uncle and he tagged Emmett to leave, both of them turning to set out. I frowned and glared at Alice. She was usually on my side but now wasn't doing much to prevent the guys from tracking down Malcolm and his victims. Malcolm deserved what he got, but the bank workers still had a chance as far as I was concerned.

"The other thing? You said for one thing, so what's the other thing?", I asked her, dreading the response. Bella pulled out her phone and was talking to my father, letting him know what was going on. I could hear their conversation as I focused on Alice.

"I saw it happen, sweetie. It will happen so Jasper has to go." She looked a little sympathetic and sad for me. If she already saw it, the only thing that could stop it from happening was a drastic decision change from Jasper or Emmett. I knew that was very unlikely. "He's done this sort of thing before. They won't feel anything but the end to their suffering. I'm sorry."

I was quiet and felt the need to cave in on myself. "So, that's it then. I'm repulsive to my best friend and now the people I allowed to be bitten really ARE going to die. This day just gets better. " I was beginning to freak out. My temper was a thing that I had a bit of trouble keeping under control. It probably came from my cultured background and the fact that I was quite possibly the most spoiled girl on the planet.

The only ones in the house with me were Bella and my aunts. Carlisle and Esme had gone to town to be sure everything was properly dealt with at the bank. Our house was quite secluded and remote, which I was suddenly very grateful for. I was feeling pretty miserable at the moment along with being insanely thirsty.

"None of it was your fault. They were going to strike at the pack sooner or later. You were just at the bank when they were and they saw an opportunity." Bella was still on the phone, but she paused to talk to me. She appeared distraught which was not like her. She was usually cool and serene about most things. However, when it came to me and danger, she could be somewhat savage in her protection. "I've had enough of Victoria. Ten years later and she's long dead but we're still dealing with the fallout." She looked at me then. "Whatever we have to do to keep you safe, we are going to do." She then went back to talking to Edward, her amber eyes never leaving me. Still sitting beside me, Alice began to twist her short hair. When she was at a loss of what to say, she would latch onto her short black locks. It was a human behavior that seemed to have transferred to her vampire life. Though she had no memory of being human, that was one very human thing that would not let go of her.

"We should hunt." Rosalie said, changing the subject. "Nessie probably needs to get out some of those urges she's holding back and we can get out of the house." We all just looked at Rose. "What? You all know you could use a fresh kill. I know I could."

"Well, do we have any bags in the garage?", I asked. The thought of animal blood compared to the exquisite sweetness of the human variety was so unappetizing. I knew Carlisle could get us some of the human variety, and stored those in a refrigerator in the garage. I stood up and started walking in the direction that would eventually take me to the garage door when I suddenly found Bella in my way.

"We should probably not try that yet. The blood bags are for emergencies, sweetheart." Bella glanced at Alice quickly before continuing. "Besides, we have a lot of elk running around right now."

"Yeah. Lots of elk," Alice chimed in. "And Edward said he could sense there were cougars the other day." She smiled, trying to goad me into feeling interested.

I narrowed my eyes. They were trying to sway me away from the human stuff. The food I was practically drooling over. I felt Rosalie take my arm, pulling me to the door. I was highly annoyed that they were forcing me to hunt for something I didn't want when something I craved was within my reach. Not only that, but in my reach with no casualties involved. I growled and pulled my arm free.

"Edward said they're on their way back here now. We can wait for them if you don't trust that we aren't strong enough to stop you if things go south," Bella said, but she had her arms crossed. Alice joined her and Rosalie just cocked her head and challenged me to doubt their abilities. Of course they were capable of keeping me under control. The thing that swayed my decision in their favor, however, was that I didn't want to face Jacob quite yet. I needed to get away from the house.

"Fine. I'll go take down some poor innocent creature." I opened the door and walked out, instantly shivering. The late November air had turned biting cold and a light snow was starting to fall. It felt merely cool to me, however it was enough to make me shiver. I guess my human half still needed to be tended to. I turned to go back and get my jacket, but I didn't have to go far when Alice handed it to me. I took and slid into it and she handed me a pair of fingerless gloves. "You think of everything."

"Of course." She smirked, tilting her head. I slid the gloves on and instantly felt much better. I started out in a run and could already tell I was going a bit faster than I ever had before. My family were keeping up with me.

"Just, stay close by," I said back to them. "If there's anybody out here who shouldn't be, it won't be pretty." I then tested my limits and pushed harder, practically flying through the grass as the world passed by in a blur. I ran at my fastest speed and could tell that I was well ahead of everyone else. Soon, I found myself at the edge of the woods where the campsite was, where the new wave of chaos started months ago. I looked up and leapt, neatly landing in a crouch on a tree limb. The other three girls followed and we were all in the tree.

"Test yourself, baby. See what you can do," Bella said, her amber eyes excited for me. "We'll be right with you." Rose and Alice smiled in response, their excitement crackling the air. I planned to be outside as long as possible, so I'd amuse them and see how far I could push the limits of the extra venom in me. I leapt off the limb and easily grasped the limb of another tree. It felt much easier now, much more fluid. I skipped through the boughs, across several more trees, clinging to the rough bark. I inhaled the fresh, cold air, the snowflakes falling like tiny cool kisses on my face and lashes. It was better to hunt from the trees as the dead leaves on the ground caused too much noise and alerted our prey.

My head suddenly whipped to the left and I crouched low in the closure of the tree branches. I crept to the edge of the long bow and inhaled deeply. It was an elk. I skipped through the branches, closer to the scent and inhaled again. Two elks. Nothing would stop me. Nothing could. I was flying through the trees, and as I went I could barely hear the others following close behind me. Just as the victim started when she realized there was danger, I was on her. I dove onto her back, and gripped her fast as my teeth broke through the warm fur and flesh at her throat. A warm fountain filled my mouth and I forced her to be still. I was skilled at bringing my victims as much mercy as possible. I heard the other elk going down as Alice, Rosalie and Bella prepared to feast on their kill.

I was starved, but I noticed that the elk's blood didn't satisfy as it always had in the past. It was bland to my heightened taste buds that craved only one thing. I drank deep until I couldn't stomach it anymore. I quickly finished her off and let the body fall from my hands. Bella looked at me. "Did you take enough?", she asked as she walked to where the dead elk lay.

"Yeah. I _could_ be slurping down a bag of tasty human," I said, swiping the back of my hand across my lips to clear them of any blood drops. Bella didn't respond to me but instead dragged the rest of my elk to the one they killed. I looked away into the trees and sighed. I felt better, stronger, but not completely satisfied. A hunger still gnawed at me, the memory of the burning thirst for humans causing a faint tingling in my throat. My eyes narrowed against the thought.

Then I saw Bella and Rosalie look up suddenly and stare into the forest. I smelled the air more carefully and was hit by a smell that wrinkled my nose. I looked in the direction that the strange scent was coming from. Crouching down, a low growl begin to rumble from my throat. Whatever was in the trees was definitely a threat, something that was there to hurt us. To hurt my kind. I looked back at the other girls and they were staring at me. They didn't seem at all defensive. I was confused. What was going on? My mother walked behind me and put her cool arms around my shoulders, staring at the trees.

"It's alright, baby.," she said softly, like a whisper in my ear. "His scent is different to you right now, but he's never a threat to you." He? Oh, no…

There was a soft rustle of ferns and undergrowth before the huge russet wolf who I knew as my best friend - my guardian angel - was walking slowly out of the darkness to stand several yards away from us. I felt myself shake as my breath caught. "Momma…" It was an instinctive whimper, but I didn't move. I was terrified of hurting Jacob. What if I might accidentally bite him, or he thought I smelled bad? I suddenly felt wildly insecure. I jumped when the leaves crunched as Edward leapt out of a tree and landed on the forest floor. He would know what I was going through. His presence gave me strength and comfort. I looked at him and his warm, amber eyes were soft.

"It's okay. It's the same Jacob," he joined Bella and Jacob edged closer. "He's the same as he's always been. Temperamental and wildly headstrong. " The wolf who was my Jacob made a snort sound and shook his head. "See what I mean?"

I smiled a little, reaching out my hand to him. He walked to me and lowered his head to allow me to scratch his ears. He moved closer and pressed the top of his head to me. I couldn't help but embrace his huge furry head. He smelled strange, and my instincts were screaming for me to run from him or even to attack. However, my fierce love for who he was kept me from it. I could feel my cursed eyes form tears and I abruptly pulled back from him. I could see it hurt him to be rejected by me, but I didn't know what else to do. Living your whole life in a sort of glass fishbowl - being used to an existence of very little privacy - simply did not prepare me for the situation I was suddenly in. I was loathe to cause Jacob distress. It was too much.

I suddenly tore away from the clearing and broke into a run, racing back to the direction of the house. I could hear my family call to me, but I completely ignored them. I could smell that werewolf scent and ran faster. Glancing to my right there was a flash of gray fur . Of course. Leah was the fastest of the shape shifters. None of them could best her in a race. She seemed to come out of nowhere and was now managing to just barely keep up with me. She wouldn't have the stamina to continue such an extreme speed for long.

"Leah, stop! You'll only hurt yourself." She refused to stop and continued to follow. "I'm just going home!" When I finally broke through the woods to the field, she allowed herself to slow down and stop at the edge. Where she left off, my father broke through the trees. I looked back and saw him beginning to gain on me. My human half needed me to stop and rest for a moment. It was slowing me down when nothing would trip up a pure vampire. In a few seconds, he was beside me. He looked at me and reached out to touch my arm. I hissed at him. "I can't stop! I won't!"

"You'll hurt yourself. Stop running, Renesmee." His voice was stern. My heart was drumming so hard it felt like it was on fire. "Stop running."

My eyes were blurring from the tears that gathered in then, streaking across my face to my ears. The snow was starting to stick and gather, my lungs sucking in cold air. We were so close to home. My heart hurt but it wasn't as physical a pain as it was an emotional ache. Fear and embarrassment for what was done to me. Shame for feeling the way I did. So what if I was more like my family now? I should be glad for the privilege.

"Nessie. Stop."

My body was screaming at me to slow down and my father's words seemed to be all it needed to force me to comply. He already knew everything anyway. It wasn't as if I could hide the truth of how I felt or what I'd been through from him. It made it so much easier when I suddenly lost it right there a mile from my our house. I shook and gasped for breath, my lungs needing the air. I couldn't seem to stop crying as sobs tore from me. I felt like I was losing my mind and reached out to keep him away from me. I was a grown girl. I would handle my own pain myself. He had a look on his face that was a mixture of deep sympathy and love for me blended with furious anger.

"Daddy, it's okay. I'll be okay." I tried to reassure him but I knew they were just words that had empty meaning compared to the truth in my head. Suddenly I felt strong arms around me. I stood very tense and rigid for a few moments before I allowed myself to relax. I was immensely strong, but my knees went out from under me. My father held me up. I pressed my face into his coat and felt safe, knowing he wouldn't let my terrible memories be the downfall of me. He bent down to scoop me into his arms and gather me to him. I knew I should feel silly to be held, but strangely it was just what I needed. So, I let him.

"Don't worry, we'll go right to your room," he said softly, knowing my apprehension at facing everyone again. He began to run and I felt the cool air, made cooler by the chill of him. "Sorry, honey. I'm not as warm as your wolves are."

"They aren't my wolves.," I said, my voice flat as my emotions were so raw. I felt my eyes form fresh tears when I thought of what they'd think of me now. Now that I was newborn-like. It made me sad to not want to be more like a vampire. I felt that I should want it but it only made me sad.

"You were meant to be half each of your mother and me," Edward said as we got to the house and walked up the front steps to the landing. "You have every right to be angry and sad - to be feeling this way. We will never judge your feelings." He opened the door and Carlise and Esme were rushing over to see me. I only wanted to be alone and to possibly try to sleep. Carlisle gave us a knowing look and Edward turned and rushed me upstairs to my room. He set me on my bed and I curled up on my side, not feeling too much like moving. I barely noticed as he tugged me out of my jacket and gloves. He pulled the shoes off my feet and somehow managed to get me under the covers without moving me off the bed.

He sat on the edge and looked at me. "Stay in here as long as you like. Would it be alright for Carlisle to stop in and check on you? He is determined to find a way to put you back as you were and it will be easier if he can actually see you."

I nodded. I reached my hand out to touch his face and he leaned down to let me. He closed his eyes and nodded. "If you're sure it's what you want." I nodded and he stroked the curls from my forehead. "Alright then. Try to get some rest." I watched him stand and turn to leave my darkened room. My improved hearing picked up everything that was being said downstairs. I frowned and hugged the pillow to me tighter, squeezing my eyes shut as I tried to focus it out. I felt something tap me and opened my eyes to see my mp3 player. Edward handed the small device to me and I smiled a little as I slipped the ear buds on. I selected a soft classical play list that he once came up with for me. Clair de Lune started to play softly and I was able to relax and focus on the music rather than everything else. I watched Edward as he left my room, then I turned the other way and faced the wall.

Hopefully Carlisle would find a way to fix me. Or my body would fight the extra venom like Jacob's did. I hugged my squishy stuffed wolf to myself and closed my eyes, wanting to sleep so I wouldn't have to think about it anymore.

It was strange what vampire trait's the venom chose to heighten and which it didn't touch. Needless to say I did succumb to sleep and it was wonderfully deep and dreamless.

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_(Okay. I know I said Carlisle would have answers in this chapter. Well, while writing, the story sort of got carried away with me and before I knew it it was the longest chapter so far. And the good doctor hadn't even made an appearance, save for his cameo at the end. I ended it where it made sense to. What was supposed to have been this one chapter will be spread into the next couple of chapters. I can pay more attention to character that way. -Z )_


	13. Confessions

_(Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer, not me.)_

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_I was later told that my sleep was restless. I tossed and turned fitfully. Though I don't recall dreaming, I apparently occasionally growled, calling out names and speaking in a sort of gibberish. I was wakened once when Carlisle came to check up on me. It was quick and he placed his cool hand on my forehead, then checked my heartbeat. He could hear it as plain as any vampire so I really didn't see the point of such a thing. However, I trust him to help me. There is no one else with the skill he has, or temperament to remain so calm through a storm. I knew when I had slept sufficiently, I would be in for blood work and other such tests. Such has been the way for me all my life _

I opened my eyes in the darkness and glanced at my clock to see it was only a couple of hours since Carlisle had seen me. It was the early morning and it would be several more hours before sunlight would creep up on us again. My family was now being quiet - with the TV on and the sound turned low - but I could hear them moving about the house. My room was still, but there was someone in it with me. I could hear breathing and a strong heart beating. It beat in the resting rhythm that matched my own. I wondered if he was passed out or just waiting and watching me sleep. Earlier that night, I had showed Edward that Jacob could come in my room when I slept if he wished. Of course he would want to. Try to keep my fierce werewolf protector away from me and risk getting your throat ripped out. To think my father and my Jacob used to be rivals. To see them now, you might believe they were always meant to be friends.

"Jacob?" I whispered into the stillness of the room. There was no immediate response. I sat up, staring in the dark corner where the heartbeats were coming from. "Jake." Then I heard the breathing hitch for a second and there was the rustle of fur and click of claws against the wood of my floor. He walked forward and sat in a beam of moonlight that streamed in through my window. He was huge and always looked much bigger whenever he was inside an enclosed space. "Hey, you."

He just watched me with his dark eyes, looking much wiser than his twenty-five years. I wanted to talk to him, without anyone else around. Just him and me. Every time I tried in vain that night to fall sleep, I would think about Jacob and what he would be thinking. His thoughts and feelings mattered the most to me. It was the only real drawback to being bitten, except for the entire bloodlust for humans. That in itself was yet another thing the pack detested.

"I can't sleep. Can you phase? Would you mind?" I asked, trying to be agreeable and gentle with the suggestion. He stood up and took a few steps which brought him right up to the side of my bed. He made the so familiar move to lick my cheek, which was his common wolf way of showing his affection. I panicked and brought my hands up to catch his head, pushing it away. He jerked back and I instantly felt sorry for being so abrupt. My instinct was to protect him from me, though after the fact I realized he wouldn't have gotten hurt. He couldn't get venom by just licking my cheek, could he? He didn't make another attempt to be close to me, but instead went to the place where his stack of jeans were kept. He picked up a pair in his mouth and carried it to my bathroom. He passed the corner on his way and I couldn't see him as he phased back to his human form. I could hear him hop as he pulled the jeans up his long legs. I heard the zipper and waited for him to show up.

I waited.

And waited.

"Jacob?" I almost got out of bed to check on him when I noticed a sock that was poking out from the wall at the corner's edge. The sock turned to look at me. "Oh my…"

"What's the matter, vampire girl?" The sock said. I felt one of my brows raise up as my head fell into a hand. I slid it through my long hair and looked back up at the sock puppet.

"My best friend is crazy," I said, waiting to see what the sock might do. It was really anyone's guess.

"Oh? How so?" Jacob was really milking it, his voice high and cracking. I couldn't help but grin. He really would risk looking like a complete and total fool to make me feel a little better.

"He has his hand up your booty. Didn't you notice?" I snickered as the sock whooped, acting all shocked. I laughed as Jacob slipped around the corner, his shoulder length black hair sliding into his eye. He quickly tucked it behind his ear as he caught the pillow that I chucked at him, tossing it back. Whipping the sock off his hand, he threw it on the floor and crossed his arms, looking down at me. I wrinkled my nose and grinned up at him. "Hey. You smell funny."

"You should talk. Good for you, I'm used to the smell of you vampires by now." Jacob smiled, and I began to let some of my initial apprehension fade.

"I'm not all vampire," I stressed, my smile fading somewhat. "I'm still all alive." I looked at my hands and held them up. "I'm not cold yet." It was hard to look him in the eye so I let my gaze drop to my lap.

"You should really try to get more sleep. It's going to be morning before you know it," he said as he leaned against the wall. He reached his hand out and switched off the lamp in his attempt to try to get me to comply.

"It's really hard," I confessed and flopped back into my pillow, burrowing into the covers. "My mind won't shut up." Jacob pushed off the wall and padded over to my bed, sitting on the edge. He was quiet for a bit before glancing down at me.

"When I first phased, I was really scared." He was telling me things that were personal to him. I wanted to remind him that the vampires might be able to hear him, that my father would know these things. Then again, I was sure Edward already knew all about him. Jacob didn't seem to mind the passive intrusion on his thoughts so much anymore. "I tried to hide, to stay away from everyone. The more I tried, the more they got in. Even Bella wouldn't stay away."

"Well, she's like that," I said, shrugging. I could hear my father chuckle from downstairs and tried to ignore it, continuing to listen to Jacob.

"Good thing for me," he said. He laid a hand on my covers and I felt a sudden need to hug him tight or bite him. The need to do both conflicted with each other so I simply let him keep his hand there. "It's the same with you. I can't stand to see you go through this and I want to be here for you. You never really had to change to be the gorgeous little hellion you are." I rather liked how he referred to me as a "hellion". I could be a spoiled brat from time to time and he knew it the most. "Now you suffer and I wish I could suffer it for you."

Jacob was a contrast of highs and lows with the intensity always turned on high. I knew he was honest and the urge to bite him suddenly wasn't quite so strong. I sat up and looked him in the eye. My room was dark save for the silver light of the moon, but he was definitely staring into me. "Jacob, I'll get through this somehow. Carlisle will fix me."

"Yeah. I know," he said but he didn't sound so convinced. "I should have followed you home…"

"No." I was firm. "Don't you dare go blaming yourself. This was _my_ fault. Mine." I felt tears begin to form in my eyes when I remembered the people who died and the ones my uncles set out to destroy. I was able to ignore my own problems for a minute when I was reminded of those who were dead because of me. I turned away from Jacob and faced the wall, curling into a ball.

"Nessie?" His voice was concerned, but I didn't want his sympathy. I needed him to know the truth. Then he could be the judge of what I really was. I felt him pull the covers back up over me. "That vampire was at the bank today and I didn't tell you. I should have told you, but I didn't want to wreck our day." I let that hang in the air for awhile. I waited for him to be angry.

"You should have told us." His voice wasn't angry, but he wasn't trying to spare me his honesty either. "It's what we're meant for, Ness. We could have at least got you home safe."

I flipped over and looked at him. "Don't you think I know that?! Do you know what Jasper and Emmett are doing right now?!"

"Yep. I know exactly what they're doing, actually." He took my hand without fear and began tracing tiny circles onto my skin. I jerked my hand back, not wanting him to feel like he had to touch me just because he imprinted on me. He waited for me to relax before reaching for my hand again.

"Jacob," I said, letting him have his way. I sighed extra heavily to make sure he knew how much I did not appreciate his persistence. If there's anything to be said for Jacob Black, it's that he never gives up on pursuing the thing he wants most. "I let people die. You're a shape shifter! An Alpha! You're made to protect humans and you aren't hating on me for that?" He kept up with the lazy circles and I could feel myself getting sleepy. I looked at him and waited for a response.

"Id never hate you, Ness. I'll tell you when I think you're being a moron, but I'll never hate you. "

"Today definitely qualified for moronic behavior."

"Yeah." He smiled a little and I decided that I wasn't going to accidentally eat my lifelong friend and natural enemy. I slid over to make room for him and he stretched out on the covers. He turned to face me before taking my hand back again to continue his circles. "No matter what, I'll always love you. That dead vampire already lost before he even planned to get the best of us." My heart was warm from his words.

"He said he wanted to make me something you'd despise," I said quietly, pulling at my hand but he held it firmly.

"I'm glad I chewed him up if he was that stupid." He reached out to lightly stroke my cheek. I closed my eyes, starting to feel sleepy again.

"He wanted to die," I murmured, opening my newly reddish eyes to look at him. "You kinda did him a favor."

"And I'd do it again. Exactly the same." He let go of my hand and I suddenly missed the contact. "Here, turn around." He waited and I sighed, rolling over under the blankets so I faced the wall. I could feel him get off the bed and looked back as he slid under the covers. I could feel the heat of his body like a space heater. "I could have a raging vampire in here any second…"

I grinned, snuggling back closer to him. "Nah. He only pays attention to your intentions. One day you guys might be going head to head again, but you're perfectly safe for now." I laughed a little and even though I wasn't looking at him, I could just imagine the look of exasperation on his sweet face.

"Perfect," he growled. I felt his hand like a brand of heat on my back. I shivered as he started rubbing his circles, warming and calming me. I knew how he must have been frustrated. Every time he loved someone, the same obstacle stood in his way. What I'd said to him was true. Edward had been able to turn his relationship with Jacob into a protective friendship. Because of me, he looked at Jake as a sort of brother or son. I knew it would seem strange to an outsider, but we all just went with it. What other option did we have?

"That's working. Keep doing that," I mumbled into my pillow. His hand kept rubbing my back, soothing me. I rolled onto my tummy to make it easier for him. It was the one thing that worked the best to make me be calm and fall asleep. When I was small and my emotions would get the better of me, I would shake and cry. If Jasper was not around, they found that rubbing my back was the best thing to do to get me calmed. Add the high body temperature of a werewolf and I knew I would be asleep very soon.

'Jake?', I said.

"Hmmm…?"

"When I fall asleep, you should probably get down. I don't want to accidentally bite you in my sleep." He stopped his hand for a second before continuing.

"You won't bite me."

"Jacob. Humor me." I could hear him sigh.

"Okay. Okay. I'll get off when you fall asleep. It's kind of hard for you to actually do that when you won't be quiet."

"Fine," I said, getting comfortable. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the contact of his hand on me. Jacob had rather large hands and I was the smaller side of average for a girl. He didn't have far for his circles to go and had switched to back and forth, then to circles, then back and forth. I felt myself about to drift off and then snapped awake for a second. "Promise me."

I was suddenly tackled by his intense warmth when he hugged me, leaning over to rasp in my ear. "I promise I'll go when you fall asleep. I swear. Now, shut your sweet mouth or I'll never get the chance." He drew back and I could feel him continue to rub my back. If I wasn't already so exhausted, it would have been nearly impossible for me to drift off after that. I relented and sighed - closing my eyes - trusting that he would keep his word. Before drifting off, my sleep deprived mind had one thought that I let go free. I mumbled the words as I slowly lost consciousness.

"I love you, too."

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_(I've decided to make The Heart That Howls part 1 of a bigger Jacob/Renesmee series. My other story, Promised, is part 2. I have a couple other ideas for stories to add to the series when I close off at least one of the two I'm working on now._

_Thanks for all the reviews and support! It's great to know there are fans out there who love Jacob and Nessie as much as I do. -Z)_


	14. Symptoms

_(Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does and she rocks.)_

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_I wonder how far he is willing to go with this. He doesn't have a choice, but is that really so true? Is there anything I could do, any level I could reach that would disgust him so much that he would rather break than look at me? It's that fear that makes me cower into a ball of myself. He says - he shows me - that all of my fears of his rejection are illusions. That his bond is unbreakable and eternal. I want to believe him. I need to._

I watched as my deep red blood filled the small tube. I couldn't help but find it strange how my own body produced the same thing that I ingested to sustain me. If I was ever starving somewhere with no animals around, could I feed on myself? Those were the types of things I pondered as Carlisle and Esme took samples from my arm. My thoughts could be quite morbid at times. I glanced at my father and he caught my eye. I smiled a secret smile and he narrowed his eyes at me which only made me smile more.

My Jacob was at my side as always. He looked pained as the needle initially slid into my vein. I'd had so many tests in my eight years of life, it was nothing to me. Jacob couldn't quite get used to it.

When it was over, I sat back and hugged myself. I didn't want to look like a sorry, small creature, like a victim. However that was exactly what I was, as much as I wanted to rise above it. The past night had been good after Jacob helped to soothe me to sleep. I managed to sleep for five straight hours since then which helped to give me back any strength that I'd lost.

"How long will it take to find out what's going on with her?" Jacob sounded demanding. He could be like a firestorm when emotionally charged. Whenever he got nervous or scared, the energy practically snapped off of him. He was such a defender for whatever he believed in and felt strongly about that I was loathe to try and stop him.

"I have to look at the sample and I'll have more of an idea, Jacob," Carlisle said calmly. He walked with the tubes of my blood out of the room in the direction of his office. Jacob stood up and started to pace. He glared at Rosalie when she sat down next to me. My aunt ignored him and took interest in looking at my eyes. She stared for a few seconds which was just a little unsettling.

"You know, they aren't exactly blood red," she said thoughtfully. "More of a rusty shade. Your brown is peeking through."

I frowned and searched for a mirror to see the eyes that I had a difficult time looking at. Rosalie picked up the one from the previous night that was still laying on the coffee table and handed it to me. I let myself see the reddish irises. I recalled the red of the vampires that did feed on humans and tried to compare.

"Hmmm, I guess so. Like cherries and chocolate," I said as I mused at my strange new trait. "Maybe the venom only went halfway or something."

My parents were staring at me critically. Actually, everyone was. I suddenly had six sets of eyes staring into mine. I took hold of the nearest throw pillow and slammed it into my face, holding it as a shield against the fishbowl metaphor that I found myself a part of. I felt someone try to tug the creamy colored pillow away but I tugged back.

"Nessie. Baby, let me look," Jacob said. I refused, shaking my head.

"I'm not a sideshow," I said, my voice muffled.

"We won't look at you anymore," Alice said. "Well, you know, at least I won't stare at your eyes if you don't want me to."

I realized I was being a little silly and wouldn't be holding up the pillow all day. So I lowered it and glowered. Jacob was on the floor and he was staring up at me, unabashedly.

"I make no promises. You know me," he said, shrugging as he reached up to stroke my cheek. A tear ran down that cheek and he swiped at it, wetting the skin. "Aww…don't do that. It'll be okay."

"We don't know that for sure."

"Either way, it doesn't matter to me."

"Yeah," I said offhandedly. What was taking Carlisle so long? I hated waiting. I could stand in a line all day without a problem, but I hated the waiting.

"Do you want to get away for awhile? We could go do something," Jacob said, trying in vain to cheer me up.

"I think it'd be better if Renesmee remained here today," I heard Edward say. Jacob turned to look at him and Bella. He was obviously not in agreement with my father's decision. I didn't want to have to tell Jake the real reason I couldn't go into town. That I'd try to kill the first human I came in contact with. That he wouldn't be able to keep me from doing it without hurting me.

"Why? So she can be miserable while we wait for the doc to come up with an answer?" Jacob stood up, towering over my father. I sighed. Edward merely looked at him, unflinching.

"Edward's right, Jacob. I want Renesmee close to us for awhile," Bella said, trying to calm the riled werewolf down. "Can't you guys do something fun here?"

Jacob narrowed his eyes at her. "She's perfectly safe with me Bella. You do know that."

Bella stood up as tall as she could and looked up into his face. She put her hands on his shoulders and I could see him flinch just a hair. "You've proven that over and over since she was born. You don't have to try so hard to win us over anymore. We're won." She let her hands drop and crossed her arms as a gesture of her unwillingness to budge in her parental decision. "She stays here."

Jake balled his fists and fought to remain calm.

"Jacob, it's okay. We can watch movies or play games or something," I offered, reaching out to touch him, my fingertips brushing his jeans. He was going through one of his struggles for control. Once in awhile, my parents and Jacob went through a moment of tension that usually had something to do with me. Their history tended to haunt the present at those times. I had a way of calming the wolf within Jacob when those time would arise. I motioned for Rosalie to move over some and she did as I made room for Jacob to sit at my right side. I leaned against him as he usually liked.

It was that moment that Edward looked toward the back hallway as Carlisle quickly came into the room. He was holding his phone and stopped when he could see that he already had our rapt attention. I could hear my father exhale and look back at me. I was nervous and unconsciously reached down for Jacob's hand. He took hold of it and held it tight, his body heat a comfort that was always ready for me.

"There's good news. Alice thought to contact the Amazons - to see if anything like this has happened to the others like you, Renesmee," Carlisle said, looking to Alice. My pixie-like aunt was anxious to hear the news, ever the clever one. "While I was beginning to process your blood work, I received a call back from them."

"It was Huilen who called," Edward said and Carlisle nodded.

"She said that something similar happened just several years back. One of Nahuel's sisters was bitten by an enemy of his in an attempt to anger him. She reacted similarly to our Nessie."

"They didn't think to let us in on this information?," Rosalie asked, clearly irritated. Bella looked as if she was in complete agreement with my aunt's state of agitation.

Raising a brow, Carlisle sighed. "They were most likely focused on the problem at hand. She did agree that we should remain in contact over any future incidences from now on."

"Incident? So, this won't last?," I asked, timidly.

He smiled and looked down at me in that way that justified why he was the most requested doctor in a hospital. It was trademark Carlisle Cullen. Full of hope and compassion. "No. It won't last. At least it shouldn't last. It didn't for her."

Jacob sharply sucked in a breath and quickly pulled his hand back. I realized I had squeezed it too hard. I could crush him easily if I wasn't careful and I hadn't been paying attention. I looked at his face, but he just shook his hand quickly and took mine again, ignoring any discomfort.

"How long?," both he and Bella asked at once. I stared at the doctor's perfect face and waited anxiously. How long was important. What if it took as long as a normal newborn? I wasn't sure if I could stand being sequestered away at home for that long. But even if I was made to hide away from humanity for years, it was not permentant. I would go back to normal.

"Well, in that case it was almost two months or so. The newborn hunger will fade, Nessie. You won't have to stay away from civilization for too long," he said, sounding optimistic. "From what I can theorize, the venom that created you is fighting off the invading strain. In the next several weeks, the extreme thirst should start to fade and will eventually mellow back to your normal level."

I could feel tears in my eyes and I brushed them away with my free hand. Bella hugged Edward and Alice to her. It was going to be okay. I thought of my red eyes and wondered if they would go back to their chocolate shade as well. I had a flicker of hope in that it was probably why they looked rusty. The venom that was part of my DNA was burning at Malcolm's poison. I suddenly wanted to hug my father who provided me with my natural immunity to vampirism. Not that being a vampire wouldn't be fantastic, but Jacob liked me best the way I was meant to be and his opinions mattered.

I could feel those dark eyes staring into me and I turned to look at him. I was feeling rather vulnerable, but Jacob was narrowing his eyes at me. Not in a way that expressed anger, but a sense that he was trying to make sense of something that was senseless.

"You can't go downtown, can you?," he asked, cautiously. He was speaking like I've never heard him speak to me before, as if he was sitting crouched on the edge of a knife. My heart felt like it was freezing over.

"No. But I just won't," I said, resting my hand on his arm. He felt like he was strung tight and it was upsetting. "Better to be safe, right?" I could see his eyes glance to look at Bella and Edward and they looked sad when he looked back at me. I could feel the tears I'd held back fall. "Jake? What's wrong?!"

"Nothing," he said, and I felt him suddenly relax as if he realized he was stressing me out and had to remedy it. "You just have to stay here. You'll stay here." He said this as if it helped to give him some kind of control over the situation. He was beginning to understand what the venom had done to me - how it was different than how it affected Bella. I always had some hunger for humans, but it was something I was born with and as easy to control as holding my breath. This new venom that invaded me increased the bloodlust to terrifying levels. Now that he fully understood, Jacob was struggling to handle that fact.

"Jake? Maybe you should get some air. Get outside and run around for a little while?" Bella looked concerned and was trying to help him. She knew him really well - that his first instinct when stressed out was to become a wolf and run.

"I can handle it, Bella." His eyes were set and they almost seemed to darken somewhat. Being so next to me, the one who apparently can't control herself, was turning on his werewolf need to fight. But he fought it down because the one he was itching to fight was me.

"Jacob, your stress is practically tangible. You need to shake it off," my mother said, voicing her concern for him. "I can go with you if you want company."

"Don't bother. I'll be fine." He then stood up and smoothly walked out of the room. I could hear the front door open and close before I turned to look at my parents.

"Is he okay?," I asked and looked at the one person who would know for sure. I asked Edward the questions I knew he probably wouldn't answer. "What does he think of me? He's pretty freaked out, huh? He's disgusted, right?" My father crossed the room to stand next to me. He perched on the arm of the couch to be closer to my level.

"You know his thoughts are personal, sweetheart."

"Except to you…" I felt his hand in my hair and suddenly wished I had the ability to read minds. Sometimes my father infuriated me to no end and as much as I loved him dearly, I wanted to throw him across the room. I reached up and touched his face lightly, sending an image I'd conjured for him. It was a scene of me dressed like red riding hood - all ravenous - attacking a random village like something out of my book of fairy tales. Jacob was a big bad wolf, standing shocked as he watched me mutilate the townspeople. I could see that Edward was trying not to laugh, his lips smirking the way they did when he was highly amused but still trying to be dignified. "That's what he thinks I'll do, I bet. Except for the setting and fairy tale part."

"A fairy tale, Nessie. That's all that this is, running through your head. Talk to Jacob. He won't bite."

I then noticed that everyone in the room was looking at me again. Being the only child of a family of vampires led to a life of being stared at. Not just the normal way humans stared at people. Humans knew to break eye contact once in awhile - to be polite even though it wasn't polite to stare. My family had no such reservations. They all looked like statues of white marble that had just been moving about and suddenly settled into position.

That position was to stare unblinking at me.

I passed my pillow to Rosalie and stood up. "I think I'll go hang out on the roof. Maybe Jake will find me when he's ready to chat." The statues broke out of their stillness and a few of them moved off to do other things. Now that we knew what was most likely going to happen to me, they weren't quite so worried. A weight had been lifted off our house.

"Just don't go too far," Bella said as I reached the entrance to the hallway. I called back that I wouldn't. The roof was on the house. How far did she think I'd go? I'd already hunted the previous night and had no need to run around the woods like my werewolf did. She was just very protective. With all she went through to bring me into the world and keep me safe, I could understood her behavior. I tried to be a patient girl. I tried very, very hard.

I'd forgotten that it had snowed the previous night and when I opened the door, the world was awash in white. I breathed in the cold, crisp air and looked around for footprints but there weren't any to be seen. Frowning, I looked around, trying to solve the puzzle of where Jacob must have gone. When I walked across the yard, the sun was brilliant without a cloud in the sky. A day for the Cullen clan to stay indoors. At the edge of the yard, I stopped and inhaled the air in an attempt to catch his scent, to at least know what direction he had run to. I could smell him clearly - and the pack. I looked around and could hear a faint growling coming out of the brush in the woods that surrounded the grounds. I crept closer, scenting the area. Seth. It was him and I could feel my heart stabbing with pain as I thought that he might possibly want to attack me. He was good friends with my parents, and Carlisle and Esme practically looked at him as another of their own. I couldn't believe that he would hate me. Or that my sweet friend could hate anyone, for that matter.

"Seth?" I asked cautiously. The growling grew louder and more threatening before it was joined by two other throaty growls. I smelled Embry and Leah. Oh, great. Well, there were a family full of vampires in the house behind me just in case things got too rough.

I could hear Alice's tinkling laughter and turned to see her along with my parents on the front porch. It was enough of a distraction to give the pack time to bound out of the brush. I found myself flattened to the cold ground by a set of huge wolf paws and felt a wet tongue lick my face. I reached up and pushed at the tan colored wolf head that was snickering in it's wolfish way. I grinned, my fears abated.

"Seth! Get off me," I said, relieved to not be the pack's pariah. He leapt off me and woofed a short sound that seemed friendly enough. They must have known. Their minds were connected to Jacob's and so they would have found out about me - all the gritty details.

"So, you don't think I smell too bad? I still get licks?" I grimaced and wiped my hoodie sleeve across my wet cheek. I looked to the other two wolves a little more warily. I was still warming up to Leah, though the shopping trip before my attack seemed to help our friendship along. I hoped my condition wouldn't destroy what that had achieved. Embry was a really good guy and very loyal to Jacob. I knew he only had his best interests in mind - which I was a huge part of.

"Can you guys tell Jake that I'll be on the roof?," I asked them and Seth nodded. Embry seemed to give me a wolfish laugh and I was glad for his good mood. "See you later, then." I turned to walk back to the house, noticing that Alice and my parents had gone back inside. I raced across the grass and jumped into the tree next to the house, catching onto a higher branch than I'd ever been able to reach before. I only had a little further to climb before leaping over to the roof, landing softly on my feet.

I could sense him immediately. Snow had dusted the roof's surface and I saw melted tracks that formed a trail.

"You knew I'd come up here."

"What can I say? I've got a high amount of Nessie experience points." he said and looked over as I walked over to stand next to where he sat. I looked out at the scenery. The snow made everything look clean and fresh. I sat next to him, careful not to touch him.

"A couple of months isn't long," I reminded him, looking at his profile. I thought of how far he'd come since I'd met him on that fateful day, years ago. Back then, and sometimes now, he could be arrogant and indignant - so sure of himself. He was my Jacob then as he would always be. Always mine. On the roof covering in snow, even though he was as frozen in time as I, it was obvious to me that he had grown up. We had grown together. I seemed to have been born with unnatural intelligence which put me ahead of him in some ways. Looking at him I realized that in the past eight years he seemed to have become more in control of himself. Now, his jaw was set and eyes focused. I found myself admiring those traits - and his marvelous bone structure - in a way I'd never really cared to before. All those things now made him beautiful to me.

"I know," he smiled and I felt my heart give a little jolt. "The guys really got you good down there. That was pretty good." He glanced out the corner of his eye at me and reached out to take hold of my shoulders, pulling me against his warmth.

"Yeah. Nice one." He wasn't afraid to be so close to me so I let myself snuggle into his body.

"You know I only want to keep you safe. If that means from yourself, I will." He looked down at me and I made a point to look straight ahead unless my resolve to wait to take the next step with him should falter. Besides, it was possible that I could have venom. That hadn't been ruled out yet.

"Yeah. I get it. You and everyone else. It's not a big deal, Jake. Really." I tried to downplay his show of protection. He could get really heavy handed with the guardian aspect of his imprint sometimes. Though I appreciated it, I was trying to firmly establish us as "best friends" and not so much the protector and his charge. He was quiet after I said that and I felt a little guilty but let my arm circle around him to show him I still thought he was the best guy in my world.

"So, what's it like?," he asked after a little bit of silence.

"What's what like?"

"The thirst."

Oh. That.

"Well, you might have caught it some when I've shared thoughts with you'" I said, turning in his arms to look him in the eye. "Haven't you ever felt it before?"

"Yeah, sure. Except that was just normal levels for you. Not that it wasn't still weird for me."

I frowned and a part of me considered showing him my memory of the previous night. Of the drive back to the house and how I almost didn't make it without someone's blood on my hands. Could Jacob take knowing such a thing? Back in the house just a half hour ago, merely sitting next to a creature with such potential bloodlust seemed to really freak him out. It might have been good to show him exactly what I was going through so he could appreciate what I - not to mention my entire family - had to fight against every day. Well, until it faded to my normal thirst, which was really such a little thing.

"Well, I could show you. You won't like it. It's pretty scary."

He shifted his body so we were sitting facing each other. His eyes were intense and I was suddenly feeling quite nervous, wishing I could take back the idea. However, a bigger part of me wanted him to know what I knew. To feel what I'd feel if I did get near humans.

Since my father didn't come out of the house to stop me, I figured me must not have told Bella or the others my plan. But he knew, which made me feel more secure in my decision.

"Okay, "I said. "So, we'll go through it together, okay?"

He nodded. "Nessie, if it's too hard for you to remember it than maybe we shouldn't."

I didn't give us the chance to back out and reached out my palms to him. I took hold of the sides of his head and closed my eyes. The instant I began to show him everything I'd been through since being carried out of the bank, I wondered if I'd made a mistake. I could feel Jacob tense up immediately. My memories took me to the struggle I'd had with Emmett, then to the jeep. My throat was burning and prickling from the memories - the memory of human blood. By the time the images took us outside of the movie theater when I was desperate for the kill, I could hear myself whimpering.

"Renesmee. Let go of him." Edward's voice was breaking through the vision, but I ignored it. I was able to crack open my eyes and look at Jacob. He was shaking and growling. Panicked, I shut off my mind to him and pulled back as in a furious instant the man who had been sitting before me exploded in a flurry of fur and fangs. The wolf that was Jacob Black snarled at me viciously as he simultaneously backed away from me. He'd torn out of his jeans which were shredded around his back legs. I stared into his black eyes, trying to ignore the teeth that were bared and snapping at me. I felt tears form in my eyes and couldn't look away from him as I felt the thirst from the memory begin to fade.

Edward's arms wrapped around me and he and I faced Jacob as he began to back us away from the snarling creature. "He's just afraid," he whispered to me. "He's afraid he'll hurt you."

"He never would." I said, wishing I hadn't shown him my pain. I looked down to see the pack had gathered on the lawn. They were all looking up at the roof. I could hear them growling and giving forth furious barks now and then. Great. Through sharing with Jacob I had shown all of them. "That wasn't really such a great idea."

"Jacob's accustomed to dealing with the mishaps of my girls. He'll survive." He squeezed me tight and directed me to get down off the roof. I didn't want to leave Jacob and refused to go down. I could hear my mother's plea from the ground as she looked up at me.

"Please come down? I think it'll be easier on him if you're safely inside." I considered my mother's logic and eventually relented. I jumped off the edge of the roof and was met by her and Carlisle.

"I thought it would help," I said, shrugging apologetically.

"It wasn't a bad idea," Carlisle said, handing Bella a pair of Jacob's jeans. She immediately leapt up into the tree with them so she and Edward could get them to Jacob and calm him down. "Why don't you get inside until everyone relaxes a little." I crossed my arms, suddenly feeling colder than I should have.

"Did you find out if I have venom, yet?"

"I'm still testing, but it looks like you might have a little." I must have had a panicked look on my face because he was quick to add to his assessment. "But it should fade with time like everything else. Just be careful." Carlisle walked with me as I passed my wolf friends who just watched me and scratched at the ground. Carlisle put his arm around me reassuringly as we went inside and I was ushered onto a kitchen stool by Esme. I could see that she had started heating milk in a saucepan on the stove. No microwaves for _my_ hot cocoa. She was the best.

"It's too bad Jasper isn't here," I said, knowing he could fix the whole tense situation in an instant.

"Ah, but then what fun would that be? The pack is really enjoying themselves, tearing up the lawn out there," Esme said, but she was smiling reassuringly as she looked at me before going back to the stove.

I let my head fall onto my crossed arms on the counter and groaned. Now I could add to the the growing list of destruction in my wake - lawn wrecker.

Yay, me.


	15. Resistance

(_Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does.)_

(Sorry it took so long to get this out. I was a little distracted by the release of the movie. -Z)

* * *

Jacob didn't come back to the house after the incident on the roof. He apparently found it necessary to remain scarce for awhile. Late afternoon on the following day, Esme made me more of the best hot cocoa on the planet in her motherly attempt at comfort. I appreciated it though I might not have said so at the time, however, it didn't taste the same as it always had in the past. Holding the hot mug in my hands, I inhaled the aromas as I sat across from Bella.

She and Edward had a talk with Jacob when they'd all been on the roof and were able to get him to relax and be calm. I'd wanted to go up and be a part of that, but everyone in the house thought it best that I stay where I was. It was agony not to know what they'd said. There'd been an argument between the three of us over that, but there was something to be said for the will of vampires. My father has over a century of experience in keeping secrets and he has an infuriating ability to give my mother strength with her own willpower. I was at a serious disadvantage.

My mother sighed when she watched me sipping my drink and I pushed the mug to her, waiting to see if she'd take the bait. She narrowed her warm golden eyes at the mug and let her fingertip touch the foamy skim at the surface. She looked at me as she brought the drop of chocolate and milk to her tongue. My father was watching her with an expectant, amused look on his face. Bella closed her eyes and I could see her trying to savor the flavors, to remember what hot cocoa tasted like. Her eyes opened and looked a little sad, but when they caught Edward's, she smiled a little and shrugged.

"Enough to spark a memory. Strange that it hardly matters anymore…"

I took my mug back and took a swallow of the drink. It was strange. "It's like the flavor's still there, but it's dull. Like my taste buds aren't working all the way or something…"

My parents looked at me and Esme wandered over to hang out at the island.

"Yours _will_ fade, though," Esme said. "Don't worry."

"Oh, I'm not worried," I said, quickly. "Just fascinated."

I went back to my drink and sighed, wondering when the pack would return. I glanced out the window and could see that they'd left mud and snow kicked up in piles in the yard. Edward walked over to the window and pulled the drapes closed. I frowned at him, but he acted as if he didn't hear the annoyance in my head. He was far too good at selective hearing my thoughts. If I really wanted to, I could annoy the heck out of him. When I was little, I'd sing songs in my head repeatedly. Things from TV shows that I'd watch where the theme song would get stuck in my head. Everyone was safe from the repetition when I chose to be silent, except him.

"Nessie, I'm just closing the drapes because it's so bright out today.," he said without looking at me. "We don't need to reflect off each other when we're in the house." I kicked the island and stared at him, still annoyed.

"What did Jacob say to you guys? When is he coming back?"

"Baby, Jake just needs to regroup," Bella said to me and I looked at her. The three of us - my parents and myself - knew Jacob better than anyone. I trusted them when it came to him. "He needs to just be with his pack for a bit and get himself together. He can't stay away from you for long. He'll be back soon."

I frowned as I finished my second cup of cocoa. "I shouldn't have done that. For someone so smart, I can be really stupid sometimes."

"Don't beat yourself up over it," Bella said to me as she slid from her stool. She started in on the ritual of digging through the couch cushions for the television remote. I was actually good at leaving the thing on the coffee table. Emmett, Jacob and Seth were another story. I glanced at the counter and saw it sitting on the edge. Edward snatched it up and walked around Bella, slipping it into her hand as he kissed her cheek.

My parents were really sweet with each other like that. They'd been together for ten years and married for eight and yet a fire still burned between them. It was the same with all the pairs in my family. Still so in love after all the years together. Maybe being a vampire froze your love like it did your body. I hoped that might happen for me one day. Maybe when I was ready to take the next step with a certain werewolf…

I caught Edward watching me and hopped off my stool to join them, curling up in the big chair next to the couch. I looked at the screen, but wasn't very interested in the images flickering across it. It was some kind of nature show. It was basically like watching the life story of our food source. Lovely. I scowled and thought instead of my friends and what I'd done to make them agitated. Would Leah be a raging ball of fur the next time I saw her? I sighed heavily as a fox took down a squealing rabbit on the TV. My throat tickled a bit in response and I swallowed hard. I hadn't fed in days.

I stood up and walked out of the room, feeling unusually fitful. The memory of the scent of humanity was starting to grate when just a moment earlier I was content with my cocoa. I didn't want anyone to know - didn't want them to worry. It would be pointless, of course. _He_ already knew, but hopefully he'd know enough that I needed to be alone and just stay in the main room with Bella. I swallowed hard and tried to focus on something else.

I wandered into the music room and made my way to Edward's grand piano. Sliding onto the bench, my fingertips grazed the ivory keys idly. There were sheets of music propped up on the instrument that had notes marked all over the bars of lines. I knew how play a little. He'd just started teaching me as part of my home schooling. I tried playing some of what he'd written in an attempt to drown out the increasing, screaming pull for what I most wanted.

_The garage._

My sharper teeth bit into my bottom lip and cut the skin there enough to draw the tiniest drop of blood. I licked it and froze, shivering at the taste. Blood tinged with venom. There was blood in the garage. Human blood. I banged out the song a bit harder than I had intended, harder than it was meant to be. No one was coming in to stop me. Squeezing my eyes shut, I forced my brain to show memories to myself. Of happier times, of places and people that could keep my mind off of the burning in my throat. One face kept flashing through the images and feelings that fought to overcome the fixation of the thirst. The one who was my strength, had been part of my soul since before I was a thought. The one who was and would always be my other half.

I needed him.

I banged on the keys in a final fury and tore away from the piano, dashing with my vampire speed through the rooms to the garage door. It was so close. I'd engorge myself on the feast in the refrigerator. Cold blood was distasteful to me, but I wouldn't care as long as it was human. I heard the door break off the hinges when I tore it open in my haste. Dashing around the assortment of vehicles, I quickly looked back, expecting to see Edward and Bella chasing me. No one followed. I was in the clear. Turning back to my goal, I rounded the corner in the back of the garage where the refrigerators were kept...

And froze.

Alice stood in front of them, her cool gaze locked on mine. "I got the smallest flash of this moment. Your venom must have changed you enough to let me see. Nessie, you should really calm down a little." Her hands were out and although it hurt to think that I might actually be able to attack her, it seemed like a growing possibility. One that got stronger with every second.

"Get out of the way, Alice. I really don't want to hurt you," I heard my voice plead with her to move as I felt tears begin to form in my eyes.

"You're right. You don't want to attack her, Renesmee." It was Carlisle. He was standing behind me. "We would give you a small amount, but I fear it would not be enough. You seem more sensitive to the pull than an actual newborn." He was right. The intelligent girl in me knew that what he was saying was so correct. However, the venom in my veins whispered maddening thoughts that made me want to ignore reason.

"You have my strength and your mother's. You can resist," I heard Edward say in my ear. The tears that threatened to fall, finally did.

"It's so hard," I whispered and I felt cold arms hug me. I wasn't sure whose they were, but it was enough to remind me of who I was. Of the family I was part of. Of those who chose to resist the pull and succeeded in overcoming it . I broke free of those arms and ran back through the house, away from the temptation that was so close, putting it far away from myself. At least I wouldn't be murdering anyone if I happened to slip up with a blood bag. But Carlsile was probably right. I drank human blood as a child until I learned to hunt. It was like a drug to a vampire, and the last thing I needed to add to the list of things against myself.

I stopped when I reached the main room. The TV had been switched off. The fox had eaten it's rabbit. The wretched animal that had triggered my reaction was gone. A stupid fox on a nature show! I could sense my family standing behind me and it wasn't the first time in my life that I wished for any kind of privacy. I'd go to my room and stay away from everyone so no one could bother me, and no one could be bothered by me - save for my father. I started up the stairs to the second story landing when I was abruptly stopped by the sound of the front door opening and shutting. Were my uncles back?

I caught Edward's secret smirk and I would have sworn that my heart stopped. I inhaled cautiously and my favorite scent - strange as it was at the moment - struck me hard. I skipped down the stairs and waited until my Jacob entered the main room before I'd allow myself to get closer to him. He was wearing his jacket and I could smell the leather as he stopped to look at all of us. He located me and stared right into me, his eyes a little hopeful and almost pleading. I didn't hesitiate to walk over to him as he reached out and gathered me closer to the comforting heat of his body. Immediately, the harsh burn of the thirst was greatly diminished. I closed my eyes and shuddered as I relaxed against him, his chin resting on the top of my head.

"Hey, are you okay, Ness?" His low voice asked soflty. I nodded.

"I am now," I said quiet enough so that only he could hear. I felt both of his arms wrap around me and I exhaled a breath I seemed to be holding back. His hand stroked through my curls and I looked up at him. His dark eyes were beautiful as always and even thought it had only been over a day, I'd missed them.

"Will you tell me about it later," his voice rumbled. I nodded. I wouldn't keep things from him again. There was no reason for it. Even if he might flip out and go wolf on me, he would always want to know. And he would always come back to me. Of that I was absolutely certain.

Jacob looked up at my family. "You vamps are slipping. Thought I might remind you all that the remains of the Silver Bullet are still wrapped around a tree." Jake and Seth were determined to nickname my car as a little werewolf joke. The pack can outrun the Silver Bullet. Ha ha.

"How could we have forgotten that?," Bella asked, sounding alarmed as she looked to Edward. He was already on his way to the front door, flanked by Alice.

"We had higher priorities," he merely said in a low tone.

Alice paused for a moment, her eyes unfocused. Edward stopped along with her, reading her mind for the future she was seeing. He looked at Alice knowingly before leaving out the door.

"Rosalie!" Alice called to her sister. "You'll want to come with us."

*******

It was beginning to get dark, and I decided to ride with Jacob in his truck as my family ran on foot to the place where I'd crashed my lovely car. When we got to the place, Jake pulled over to the side of the road. I slid out of my seat, slamming the passenger door shut as he did the same. I walked to him and he protectively put his arm around me as we walked to where my family was already standing.

Alice looked back at me and concern was etched on her delicate features. "Are you _positive_ you're okay?"

I saw my car for the first time since nailing the defenseless tree with accelerated steel. Edward put his arms around Bella and I thought for a moment that her vampire nature wouldn't be enough to hold her up if he hadn't.

I felt Jacob's arms surround me as I shuddered. "Your vampire strength must have saved you. Does this mean I owe Edward somehow…?" He tried to make light of such a scary thing because that was Jacob's way. How he diffused an insane situation - with humor. It wasn't working.

My car looked like it was literally eating the spruce tree that it was embedded into. In a way, it actually was. I really doubted the poor tree would be able to easily survive the crash. The Bullet was an absolute casualty. Had I been a full human, I would have most definitely been a gore smear upon impact.

"It didn't feel that bad," I said softly, images of the crash flashing into my mind. I reached out and Jacob took my hand, guiding it to his warm cheek. I felt his free arm pull me tighter against him as I heard his sharp intake of breath when I got to the actual impact part. The images flashed to my attacker holding me against the Bullet, my running from him, the knife hitting my back, Malcolm biting my shoulder…

"Enough," Jacob growled and pulled my hand from his face. If he hadn't already torn my attacker to shreds, I know he would have taken off right then to hunt him down. I could feel that his body was as tense as he was angry and disgusted. I turned in his arms, clutching onto his jacket as I mentally said my goodbyes to my first car. Rosalie was busy looking over the damage. She was unable to open the driver's seat door and instead crawled in through the shattered window. A few seconds later, she held a bag out the window. Carlisle took it, and then another that she handed out to him. Alice took them from him and looked inside them. She pulled out the magazine I'd gotten for Jasper at the bookstore. Looking back at me, she smiled a little apologetically.

"Well…thank you, baby."

I just shrugged back. It was such a little thing. A magazine I bought back before things had been thrown into chaos. She looked at the other bags.

"Presents…for Leah," I said and she nodded, closing the bags back up as she stood, holding them as we watched Rosalie dismantle the insides of the car. She was removing the parts she wanted to keep. There wasn't really much that was worth salvaging.

"You didn't tell me those things were for Leah," I heard Jacob say into my ear. I looked down at the snow at my feet as I felt him kiss my cheek.

"She already knows about it," I said, dismissively.

"So, it still matters."

Rosalie crawled out of the window and cursed when an edge of glass caught her pants, tearing them. In typical Rosalie fashion, she pulled back and punched the car door in what appeared to be her need to hurt the thing that damaged her clothing.

"Awww…hasn't the poor thing suffered enough?"

All of us turned to look for the source of the familiar voice with the slight southern drawl. Alice skipped past me, dropping my bags next to Jacob and myself as she rushed to Jasper. She took note of the rough look of his clothes - the obvious result of battle. Her tiny hands slid over his arms and he took her hands in his as they stared into each other for a few seconds before she pulled him back to where we were. I just looked at him, my mind racing with questions that I had to have answers to. He was back, which meant that most likely the thing I'd dreaded was done. He glanced at me after a few minutes and caught my eye. He merely nodded once before looking back at the damage. We would have our chat. Jasper was a good teacher for me in the ways of our kind. In fighting and the harsh realities of our world. I counted on him to always be truthful and he never let me down.

We heard Emmett's jeep before we saw it stop behind my car. Rosalie rushed to the door before my uncle could open it. She did that herself and almost dragged him out of the seat to stand in front of her. "I see you survived," she said, but I could detect a note of relief in her voice. Even though Alice knew they'd be okay, her predictions were known to change from time to time. Emmett towered over her, but he picked her up in his strong arms and grinned in his infectious way that caused her to do the same.

"Good to see you are both back safely. I trust everything has gone well?" Carlisle raised his brows in question and Emmett chuckled a bit.

"Well, it's taken care of, if that's what you mean," he said and Rosalie's grin immediately turned to a frown.

"What?! What do you mean by that? Emmett Cullen, tell me right now!"

"Babe, I'm fine. Look at me…"

I tuned their usual banter out and focused back on the problem at hand. We had to hide my car. I was surprised that no one driving by had reported it yet. There was no way someone human would have been able to survive the crash and there wasn't a body around to back up any story. I watched as Carlilse tore off the license plates and Jasper located the VIN and began scratching it out.

"We'll take it into the woods here and rip it apart enough to disguise the evidence," Carlisle said, holding the plates. Emmett set Rosalie down and walked over to the remains of the Bullet. Everyone - except for Jacob and myself - took hold of part of the car and picked it easily up off the ground. There was just enough space between the trees where they could slide through easily. The two of us began to follow them, but Bella stopped which encouraged us to remain with her.

"Someone should stay in case anyone might happen to show up," she said. Jacob eyed her suspiciously.

"Or some vampire doesn't want to get her hands dirty."

Bella's honey colored eyes darkened dangerously, but I knew she was only playing with him. The Bella/Jacob show was older than I was. "Oh, I can get down and dirty, wolf."

Jacob's eyes snapped and he grinned, his brilliant teeth bared and ready for a fight.

"Bring it, skeeter!," he challenged. I rolled my eyes. There was really never a bad time for them to start up a mock throw down. I crossed my arms and looked out over the road as the verbal sparring continued like a fly buzzing in my ear. I sighed.

And gasped.

My throat began to tickle. When I'd take a breath, it was a low, dull, fire but it was rapidly getting stronger with every breath. I put my hand to my throat and tried to hold my breath. Then, I heard the car up the road as it started to get closer. Oh no. The air was cold with snow on the ground. The car would be closed up, but I could still feel the increasing thirst as it got closer. Panic began to set in and I backed up into Jacob. I vaguely heard Bella mention something about the tracks in the snow giving us away, but I didn't care. I looked at Jacob in alarm and he looked back at the car whos lights we could now see. I clutched at his arms tightly and I could see him wince from the pain before he pulled himself free and took hold of me.

"Get her out of here, Jacob." Bella said, staring into him with fierce intensity. I could see Edward race with Jasper out of the woods to stand with her. Jasper hissed at me.

"Go, Nessie! RUN!"

I desired the blood that the human in the car provided. I wanted to do as Jasper said, to go along with the fierce tugging on my arm that Jacob would not let up on. I wanted the person in the car to be like the majority of humanity and ignore what appeared to be stranded motorists. But no. They had to be the very small percentage that actually cared enough to stop. Stupid humans.

The car began to slow down and Jasper stared at me hard. I was unable to control myself, to run when my mind was screaming to do so.

"Her eyes are black! Edward!," my mother cried out in alarm. My father rushed to my side and pulled at me, but for once in my life we were equally matched and I had the fierce hunger of a newborn to my advantage. I snarled at him and yanked my arm back, but he held on tight and refused to let go.

I stared at the car that was approaching and began to lurch toward it, dragging Jacob and Edward slowly behind me. Out the corner of my eye I could barely register Jasper presence as he reached out his cold hand and touched my forehead. I suddenly gasped as a rush of intense panic and fear took hold of me. Like a wave shocked my system. It wasn't his usual way of passing emotion, but something concentrated and intense. I looked at my uncle and his golden eyes were wide with fear for me, for what I might do if his idea didn't work. He kept attacking me with the emotions I should be feeling, that I was feeling only a minute before.

It was enough. I turned and before I had a chance to reconsider, took off at breakneck speed, racing away from the road toward home. I could hear someone following me and knew who it most likely was. The one who would always follow and never judge. I raced through the woods, the burning in my throat beginning to fade to a dull throb. I felt tears in my eyes and had the briefest thought that no other creature - save for the few others like me - would ever know tears with a prickling throat of fire. I could see our house and broke through the brush as I stumbled out on to the snow covered grounds. Esme was in the house. I didn't need her worrying about me. Not yet. I collapsed in the snow and shivered as my adreneline struggled to return to normal levels. I felt the heat of someone alive sit beside me. I looked over at the russet wolf and he stared at me. Reaching out, I took hold of his great shaggy head and hugged him as tight as I could without hurting him. I let my tears fall into his fur and he was still, allowing me the time I needed to let the messiness of my emotions happen. When I pulled away, I wiped my eyes clear. Jacob gently bit my shoulder and tugged me to follow him. I got up off the ground and walked with him to the house.

I opened the front door, and Esme quickly appeared from wherever she had been. She could plainly see with the trained eyes of a mother that something had been wrong. Jacob left us to lope up the stairs in search of his jeans stack. Esme took me in her arms and I held onto her, letting her stroke my bronze colored hair.

"Baby, what happened?" I backed up a bit and looked at her. I must have seemed a beautiful disaster. Oh, yes. That'd be me.

"A car drove by and I almost…"

"But you didn't," her voice was firm. "I know this because we would never let you hurt yourself," she said, taking my face in her cold hands. "Trust your family."

"I do. Jasper was able to break through and stop me."

"Jasper? So, the boys are back?" I realized she didn't yet know.

"Oh. Yeah. They stopped to help us." I turned to see Jacob walking barefoot down the steps. He walked over to us and Esme raised a brow at him.

"And how are you doing, Jacob?," she asked him carefully. I knew what she meant. It wasn't every day that a werewolf knew what it felt like to be a vampire. To feel the thirst as we did. He nodded.

"Maybe I don't give you guys enough credit," he said and I considered calling for a repeat of that statement. "Maybe."

I reached up on tiptoes and kissed his cheek, making him smile and grab hold of me. I allowed myself to be held and could feel the common contentment of just being with him. Esme smiled at us and went back to the chair where her book was waiting for her. She picked it up and looked at us. "It will most likely be some time before everyone gets back. I know you haven't been sleeping well the past couple of nights. If you want to turn in, or just get away for a bit, I can cover for you."

Esme's ability to read someone was unmatched. She was giving me what I most wanted without allowing me to feel guilty about abandoning everyone. I tugged at Jacob's hand and he just kept staring back at Esme in disbelief.

"You don't mind my sleeping in her room? I've been sneaking around for nothing," he asked, incredulously.

"Jacob. It's impossible to sneak around in this house. You've been spending nights in that room for years now and you will continue to do so. I trust you. If Edward and Bella allow it, why shouldn't I?" She smiled secretly, knowingly. She was simply the best mother figure there was - along with my actual mother, of course.

I yawned when I walked into my room. I was sleepier than I thought. Jacob followed me in and shut the door. I could see the water on my floor where his paws had tracked the melting snow. "You left a mess on my floor."

"Hey. You can't blame a wolf for tracking the elements."

I located a fresh set of pajamas and padded to my bathroom where I could change into them in private. The flannel bottoms were purple with black roses and the tank top was black cotton. I felt much cozier once I had them on. I left my old clothes in a pile in the corner and walked to my bed, crawling in. Watching Jacob, I scraped my hair up into a messy bun on the top of my head.

"So…how is the pack?," I asked, though I wasn't sure if I really wanted to know the answer.

He picked up my discarded clothes and walked them to the clothes hamper, dumping them in. Since when had he become the more tidy and responsible one?

"They're okay. You kind of freaked them out, but they'll deal."

"Like I freaked you out?" I picked at the edge of my comforter as I said it. Risking a glance, I looked up at him.

"You did get me good. I'll give you that." He smirked and I moved over to make room for him. He slid under the covers in his jeans and laid on his side, facing me. "I'm glad to know. It's always been this thing that you could never share with me, but I kind of get it now."

"It's the worst part. It's what makes us monsters."

He reached out and touched my face. "Not you. I'd never let that happen."

"Like you could stop me."

The statement hung in the air, the silence that followed a nearly tangible thing. It was minutes before the silence was broken by his rumbling voice. With words that formed a promise.

"I'll always find a way."


	16. Restless

(Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie meyer.)

(This chapter is quite short and a little mean. You coop someone up for a good period of time and they get testy. Half vampire girls are no exception.)

* * *

I'd kicked him out. About an hour ago. We actually argued with each other and said some pretty nasty things. Well, actually it was more like I said some nasty things and he just took it. I couldn't take him trying to cheer me up any longer - trying to keep me occupied. I'd been stuck in the house for the good part of a month, allowed to go only as far as the forest around our house. Even then, I had to have several of my family members with me, which always included Jasper.

Jacob would not leave me by myself. At all. Ever. Except for when I'd retreat to my bathroom and slam the door on him. At those times, I'd spend longer in there than usual. Take a bath, read some books, clean the sink, it didn't matter because I could be alone then. Alone with my thoughts as I'd stare at my eyes in the mirror, trying to notice more brown than red. Trying to will myself to rid my body of the venom quicker so our lives could go back to normal.

We'd been playing some video game on my PS3 for the umpteenth time and my heart wasn't in it. We were fully into the holidays, with Christmas only a week away. I hadn't been able to go shopping for gifts and resorted to the internet and my other family members to pick things up for me. As much as I knew the festivities would be the same as they always were, one thing had me on edge.

My grandpa, Charlie.

He was invited to come up and visit. The plane ticket was already in his possession. Which meant he was coming and the thought scared me to death.

"You'll be fine, Nessie. You've been healing all this time. It'll be a good test," Jacob said as he thumbed the controller and twisted his arms all over in the attempt to edge the pixilated character on. His eyes never left the screen. He was a master at those things.

"A good test? It's _Charlie_, Jacob. Not some random guy. Charlie" I was in a mood. Even though we were not actually related in the slightest, sometimes I took after Rosalie in that way. Jacob was a pro at shooting her down with verbal sparring and they had turned it into an art form over time. The problem with my moods was that he wouldn't be mean to me. He would tell me when I'm being a brat, but would never lash out. So, I always won those fights. A little underhanded, sure, but I'm half vampire. Aren't we essentially evil? As much as we fight to overcome it, in the past month I began to realize that it might actually be true.

He laughed my comment off, which riled my anger. "Um, maybe we need to take you downtown to test it out if you're scared." I glowered at him, staring mental holes into his face. He flinched a little and I had a flush of satisfaction as I could tell he could feel a storm brewing. He suddenly made a mistake on the board he was on and cursed at the screen, tossing the controller into the couch. I was not in a mood to laugh at his playful nature. I only glared. Hard.

"Ness," he sighed and turned in the couch to face me. He put out a hand to touch my shoulder as he often had in the past without so much as a thought. I jerked back and pushed his hand down to the couch cushion, away from me. His eyes flashed with hurt and a part of me instantly regretted causing that look.

"Jacob." I began to speak and cleared my throat to seem authoritative in my little speech. "I am just afraid to hurt my grandfather. I have anxiety and you just have to deal with it. You can't fix everything."

"You're going to be fine! Bella was fine…that time," he said and I growled. He stopped talking.

"Well, maybe you shouldn't have done that then either!" I let that hang in the air. Oh, I could push buttons. I was very capable of that, though I much rather preferred not to. "Maybe I should _show_ you the thirst I'm still feeling when, say, the mailman comes by every day. Just to see if YOU can properly judge exactly how ready I actually am!" I reached out to touch his face and he scrambled up off the couch so quickly the game controller went clattering to the hardwood floor. Pillows followed.

"Um…that's okay, Nessie. Really. If you aren't ready, you aren't ready…"

I got up slowly and moved into a stalking pace, not taking my eyes off of him. I found a nerve. A fear. He didn't want to feel the hunger of a vampire again. The incident on the roof really had been too much for him. I knew I would never again share it with him if I could help it, but he didn't need to know that. In my peripheral vision, I could see Edward and Bella at the top of the staircase, watching us. My father obviously knew my intent and would not interfere. Jacob was backing up and moving toward the door.

"I don't believe you'd do that," he said, but there was a touch of uncertainty in his voice.

"Oh yeah?," I said as I cleared the space between us in less than a second. He had his hands on my shoulders, pushing me back from him. "Silly man. Touching your face is only habit." I brought my hands up and covered his, flashing the image from my earliest childhood. The first time I'd met Charlie. I was a baby and I showed him how tense and terrible it was for Bella. Even as a young child, I was so attuned to her I knew of her fear even though she tried to hide it from me.

Jacob's brow creased and he looked pained from my memory. "How do you remember that?" He voice was harsh and breaking. He realized how hard he'd made it for Bella then and knew why I was so afraid now.

"I remember everything, Jacob. My mind is a steel trap."

"It won't happen with you. She was strong. I believe you can do it, too."

I shoved him toward the door, my anger flaring.

"Out."

"You are so irrational. You are _so_ Bella's child."

"What's _that _supposed to mean?!"

"She never knew what was good for her either."

"Oh, yeah? And what's _good_ for me, Jacob? Why doesn't the great and wise Alpha wolf pack leader, Jacob Black, tell me what is good for me?!"

"I am."

My eyes snapped in fury as I looked into his dark eyes that didn't back down. I really hated to admit that I rather liked that about those eyes. It only made me more angry.

"Oh really?!"

"Yes. Really. You are afraid of your potential. So was she."

"My mother is one of the bravest people I know!," I snarled at him and snapped my sharp teeth in his direction out of instinct. Suddenly his scent was not as pleasing to me. I had to get him away from me. "Maybe for your own health you should remove yourself from my presence. Get out."

He glared at me for a good few moments before turning to make for the front door. He turned and looked at me as if to say something more, but I shoved him to the front porch steps and he fell back, landing on his back in the snow.

"You will stay out here, _mutt_! You will stay here until I see fit to let you back in. I suggest you phase. It's a bit cold outside, even for you!" Then I shut the door on him.

I knew the second the door latched shut that I'd been exceptionally mean to him. To my Jacob. I instantly felt sorry the second I'd called him that derogatory word that was a favorite of Rosalie's. My parents had heard me. After a few minutes had passed, I peeked out the tiny hole in the door and saw him in wolf form, sitting where I'd dropped him. He'd phased so quickly, his clothes in a pile beside him.

Stepping back, I walked to the living room in a numb daze before dropping onto the messed couch. His game was still playing on the screen, waiting for my turn. He'd just been sitting here, playing with me only a few minutes ago and now was sitting in the cold snow. Well, he had a high body temperature so the cold didn't bother him much, but still.

"What? Are you guys going to yell at me, too? Tell me what's good for me?" I said into the room. In a moment, my parents were standing next to me. Bella sat on the edge of the couch and picked the fallen controller up off the floor. She set it on the coffee table and stared at the screen.

"What is this one?" She picked the case up and looked at the back.

"I'll play with you. I'm not at all as good as Jacob, but I can give it a try," Edward said and sat on the other side of me. He looked at me as if waiting for an answer, though he already knew what I would say. He could see into my heart.

My eyes brimmed with tears. I'd thrown Jacob outside. Jacob!

"Maybe he needed to be tossed in the snow," Edward said.

I flipped my head to look accusingly at him. He didn't back down, but smiled a little in the crooked way of his.

"All I'm saying is that you make things very easy for him. Jacob has a fighters spirit, sweetheart. Maybe you've domesticated it a little too much."

"He has been pretty docile," Bella said. "I mean, he's been trying to keep you happy and safe for the past month, and this is the first time in all that time that I've seen him so alive."

"But…I was so mean to him." I felt some tears fall and wiped them away as Edward's cold arm circled me and I snuggled into his hard body. Bella laid a blanket over me before she did the same on my other side. I loved my family. I laughed a little through my tears. "If I were a cat, I'd be purring about now."

"Then Jacob would REALLY have issues," Bella said and we all laughed a little at the idea.

We were quiet for a moment then as Edward took the controller and we watched him attempt to make his way to the end of the first board. Of course he was successful, and I could see that a new addiction was beginning to brew as he challenged himself to the second board.

"Oh, not you, too." Bella groaned.

"Oh, maybe me, too…"

I smiled and could feel Bella's eyes on me. Her fingers stroked through my hair and I looked at her.

"You know. Maybe you will be alright. We would be very careful, like everyone was with me." Her voice was soft and she was careful as she presented the idea.

"Charlie's too important," I said and turned to look at Edward, who was engrossed in the game but was picking up my thoughts and fears as we talked.

"Emmett can beat you in arm wrestling now. Your eyes are more russet than red," he said and finished the board, smiling in triumph before looking at me. He leaned forward and kissed my forehead, his cold lips pressing lightly. "And most important, you are terrified for him. I have every confidence that you can do it. It might seem difficult, but we'll all be with you. Charlie _will_ get through it unscathed."

I nodded and looked back at the television screen. I knew I had wronged Jacob. I had just been so irritable and had taken it out on him. He'd been right. Of course, he always seemed to be right, though it just never translated as eloquently as my family's advice. He was unafraid of most things. I admired so many of his qualities. I thought of letting him back in the house when the thought was quickly interrupted by the velvety voice of Edward Cullen.

"Well, if I were you, I would let him cool off outside for a bit. Maybe he could learn to let you have your space," Edward said, his eyes a little more mirthful than their usual cool demeanor.

"Definitely. I think it'd be good for Jake. He'll realize you can survive without hovering over you," Bella added and leaned back as she picked up a magazine from the stack on the table.

I mused over the idea. He'd be okay. It wasn't too cold, just snowy. It wasn't as if he'd feel the difference much. My mother would never let him stay outside if it'd hurt him.

"Okay," I picked up the other controller and restarted the game. "I challenge you, dad - I mean, Edward. You had practice. When we are both out of lives, he gets to come in."

"Oh, you are putting me under such pressure!"

I grinned wickedly and started the game. I'd trip up on my turns and pretend it was an accident. Already I wanted to make things up to Jacob. Edward must have known my ploy but was going along with the plan, anyway. I'd call Alice and see if she could pick up his favorite ice cream on the way home. It usually put him in a good mood. As I made the little pixilated fox creature jump over things and dodge boulders, I noticed my father hand Bella his phone.

"Could you please call Alice and ask her to pick up Jacob's usual mood enhancement on the way back from town?"

I smirked. Jake's mood enhancement.

"Tell her to get several," I added as I made it to the end of the board and jumped a little on the couch in my triumph. Winning was too much fun. I'd start tripping up in several more levels. "And have her get whipped cream, bananas, chocolate sauce and all the other things for sundaes. Please."

I had a strong feeling we were going to need it.


	17. Belonging

_(Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. It's Stephenie Meyer's baby.)_

* * *

I found myself on the long road to the pack's lakefront cabin. It was on the same road as my family's house, but further down - much further. The seats of my mother's Ferrari were covered in grocery bags. I couldn't help but feel anxious as I got nearer to my destination. Would Jacob be upset with me? No. The question was if he would show me his anger. He could feel whatever he might feel, but I knew he hid things from me. To protect me.

I was beginning to resent it.

***************

"Nessie. So good of you to come by," Embry said to me, though it wasn't with his usual good natured sarcasm. He had this look in his eye that seemed to tell me he was only being nice because his Alpha would give him a hard time if he wasn't. I hung back, suddenly unsure as to why I was at their house. I knew Jacob would get over it and come back to me sooner or later. He would have to. Steel cables and all that.

The door was suddenly pushed open further and Seth ducked through the door to look at me. His eyes shone with their usual honesty and he grinned. "Hey! It's Nessie!" He said this last bit a tad louder than was really needed. It wasn't as if they all didn't know I was there. I was sure the smell of me was a sure giveaway.

"Hey, Seth. Uh…is it okay if I come in?" I had subconsciously begun to tap at the snow covered front step with my boot, adjusting my stance to offset my balance and appear smaller and more vulnerable. I caught myself doing this and immediately straightened up. I wasn't dealing with humans. These guys were themselves supernatural and very much in the know. They were also my friends. At least I hoped they still were.

"Yeah! Sure!" He yanked at Embry, pulling him away from the door so I could go in. I saw Leah in the back room, watching me warily. She raised her hand a little and gave a tiny wave before crossing her arms. I didn't have time to return the small gesture of truce before I scented him. He was upstairs.

"Jacob's pretty upset still?" I asked quietly, hoping he wouldn't hear me.

"Well, you DID throw him out," Embry answered, to be punched in the arm by Seth.

"Jacob probably deserved it. He can have a hot head sometimes," the youngest of the pack said. I shrugged and glanced at the top of the stairs, but he wasn't making an entrance.

"Oh, I brought stuff for you guys. It's in the car. Ice cream and sundae things. Alice went crazy with the fixins - " I really didn't have to go any further. All three werewolves in attendance were out the door, crawling in my car to retrieve the bags of goodness. Making them happy was really just that simple. I smiled through my apprehension and laughed when they barreled back into the house, tracking snow as they unloaded the bags onto the countertops.

"You aren't kidding! Look at all this stuff!"

"Well, she didn't really know what would be good, so she got it all, I guess," I said.

"Leave it to Shortie to go overboard," Jacob's voice was heard at the landing of the second floor. I looked up and expected him to be irritated or upset, but he had his usual Jake smile in place for me. He started down the stairs and I crossed my arms when he got nearer. I wanted to be alone with him. I needed it.

"Um, I need to hunt," I said as he got to the bottom floor. He was wearing a blue hoodie that I got him the last time I'd gone shopping. That night I'd been attacked. I tugged at his sleeve and he started for the front door.

"But…ice cream…," Seth said, on the verge of a pout. Leah quickly began putting anything that might melt in the freezer.

"It can wait," Leah said quickly and looked at us as we went out the door, shutting it tightly behind us.

It was a cold night and though I felt it less than a one hundred percent human girl, the chill in the air made me shiver a bit. I had left my house without grabbing my own coat and was suddenly regretting it. I could see that Jacob was already starting to drag the bottom of his hoodie up to take it off. He had the habit of self sacrifice when it came to my comfort.

"Jacob. Keep it. Please." I grabbed hold of his hands and yanked his sweatshirt back into place. "I'll be fine."

"Aren't we hunting? I'm not really a fan of destroying my clothes if I can at all help it, Nessie." He eyed me with no lack of smug amusement in those dark eyes. I shrugged in sudden defense. Of course. That was right. Hunting.

"Well…maybe we should get closer to the woods before you…morph."

"Phase," he corrected.

"What-ever," I smartly snapped back and I caught him smirk as I tromped into the expansive backyard. I looked over the lake and though it was night, the moon shown over the icy lake, giving it an ethereal quality. I spun around and looked at my guardian when we were far enough from the house that I knew the others wouldn't hear us if our chat got heated.

"Just so you know, I didn't come out here to catch dinner." I looked up at him and found that my arms were crossed over my chest. I had to make my stand and he was going to hear me out. He copied me and crossed his own arms, obviously humoring me. I scowled. The moonlight was casting a very appealing glow over his russet skin and it somehow made my proud heart melt a little when I was reminded of how beautiful he was. My Jacob.

He waited for me, saying nothing. I could not recall a time when he was this quiet for so long. It was a little off putting. He always had some kind of smart ass remark when he thought I was being especially difficult. I shivered and suddenly hugged myself. That did it.

"So, you don't need to hunt, but you want to stand out here and freeze." He then succeeded in reaching up to catch the back of his hoodie, dragging it down over his head. He directed for me to put my arms up and I sighed, giving in to him. His high body temperature had heated the sweatshirt so it had the effect of being wrapped in a big electric blanket. The sleeves went past my hands which I hugged against my chest. He was left with only a plain black t-shirt, but didn't seem to notice the difference. Of course he wouldn't.

"I just needed to talk to you," I whispered. I knew he could hear me as if I'd shouted it. I didn't look up to meet his eyes, but rather focused on the perfect musculature that his t-shirt was stretched across. All of the shape shifters were that way. Built like a pack of mini gods. Well, goddess in Leah's case.

"There are warmer ways. Even for you, it's pretty cold out right now."

"I'll survive."

"The ultimate little survivor," I found the admiring amusement in his voice a little too much to take.

"I'm sorry, Jake," I blurted out. There. It was out. So were the damned prickling tears that my mother cursed me with. Jacob was quiet for a few seconds and no one moved. Great. I wiped the wetness off my eyes, letting the tears soak into the cloth of his shirt. Before I could look up again, I felt him take hold of me, folding my smaller form into the protectiveness of his warmth. I could feel the hot tears grow cold on my cheeks as the they decided to suddenly flow a little more freely.

"There I go. So freakin' emotional." I could feel Jacob's warm hands cup my face as his thumbs brushed the wetness away.

"Your tears are so human. See? You are getting better." I looked up at him then and he was smiling. Smiling. Always a smile for me.

"Well, whatever makes you happy, I guess," I said, with less humor than he apparently had.

"I'd rather _you_ be happy."

I backed up from him, which took a little wiggling since I was trapped in the confines of his strength. I was actually the stronger of us, but didn't want to hurt him by jerking backward. He released me and once some distance was placed, I forced myself to stand strong.

"Jacob. I won't always be happy. Okay? You have to stop always trying to make me happy. Let me be sad when I have to be, or pissed off, or whatever else kind of thing I have to be. You can't fix everything all the time."

I could see the usual happy go lucky Jacob face begin to falter a little. A crack in the false façade that he always tried to have in place for me. "I'm not mad that you threw me out of the house."

"Liar."

"What? " His tone was sharper with disbelief.

"You were pissed. Don't tell me you weren't. I'll just ask my dad." Who I knew wouldn't say a word, but Jacob didn't need to know that.

He frowned, his dark eyes growing darker. "Why are you doing this, Ness?" He was beginning to pace in agitation. I swallowed hard but stood my ground.

"I'm not trying to hurt you, Jacob," I said, reaching out to stop him. He let me touch him, stopping. I could feel the tension in his body as tight and ready to snap. I knew it had no place to go as long as I held onto him and commanded all of his attention. He would never harm me.

'There's something I need from you. Something I need you to be - for me." I looked into his face and reached up to hold onto it, forcing him to look at me. He did, but I knew he was confused. He hated being trapped into things, but I knew he would do whatever I asked.

"What?," he asked, suspicious.

"Your honesty. I'm not a child anymore, Jacob. I can take it when you feel strongly about something. The fake smiles and lies-"

"I never lie to you." He practically growled at me.

"Oh? You just said it didn't bother you that I threw you out," I said, catching him.

He was looking at me with a gaze that I wasn't sure I liked. It was something new for us.

It was honest.

"No. What I said was that I wasn't mad. I never said I wasn't bothered by it."

"Oh."

"You sure you want me like this? I can be a whole lot of fun if I really get going. Ask Bella."

I straightened up and looked at him with a firm gaze. "Yes. It's best."

"Okay, I'll do this for you. But, you can't blame me if I honestly want to act like an absolute idiot for you from time to time. It's an imprint. I kinda need to be there for you. Like whenever you get yourself in trouble-"

"Which I do not TRY to do!"

"Sure sure. As I was saying, this might take some getting used to." He smiled a little at me, obviously amused again at my indignation. I shivered and he ran his hands up and down my arms. "Let's go in. The magic heat of the hoodie is about over."

I smiled and let him fold me into his warmth as we walked back to the house. It would be good having him be honest with his feelings. No more hiding them for my benefit. A part of me wondered what kind of creature I was unleashing and if I really wanted to handle it.

Who was I kidding? Of course I wanted it.

"So. Ice cream. It's freezing and you think of ice cream," He was amused and I felt his kiss my head.

"A peace offering?"

"Unnecessary," he began and I turned slowly to glare at him. "…but appreciated."

I went on tiptoe and kissed his smooth cheek. He accepted it and then turned his head to quickly kiss mine. I blushed furiously and looked into his eyes. They were dark as always, but softer and the way I liked them the most. Yep. One day we would be legend. I would make certain of it.

I could suddenly sense another presence, and looked at the front steps to see Leah watching us. She had her arms crossed and I immediately felt shy that she'd seen Jacob and I being sweet. She was only smirking in a way that seemed knowing and not at all annoyed by it. Of course she would know things. I could see there was no hard feelings lingering after the awful mess of the past month. We would survive it.

"Are you guys ever coming back inside?"

"Yeah," I said, breaking away from Jacob to go in. The guys were waiting at the island in the kitchen, every surface of the room taken up by sundae toppings. Jacob followed me and looked around the room.

"Okay, I gotta hand it to Alice," Jacob said, picking up a bag of gummy bears. "She doesn't miss an opportunity."

"That would be my aunt."

"So, how was the hunt?" Embry asked, air quoting "hunt". I reached into a bag of tiny marshmallows and threw one at him. He pretended to look offended and I raised my brows.

"No! Guys, I just cleaned the kitchen yesterday," Leah said, her tone warning us not to make a mess.

"I'll clean it," I said and threw another marshmallow.

"Well, you are one of us now," Seth said, looking around at the others to get them to jump on his bandwagon.

Leah sighed. "Yes. Well, we've accepted that you are one of us. You're Jacob's and it's silly not to acknowledge that fact."

"What she's trying so hard to say is that you're a member of the pack, if you want it," Jacob said. "Honorary if you insist on downplaying it, but really, why would you?"

"Not like you weren't already," Embry said, shrugging as he eyed me with a smile, waiting for my response.

DAMN HUMANITY! My eyes prickled.

"Of course. You are family. Always have been," I managed to say, wiping my eyes. I could feel Seth latch onto me, hugging me. I felt good. Happy. For the first time in a month, I was glowing with a new pride and confidence. I looked at Jacob and he was looking at me with that familiar mix of pride and happiness that he naturally exuded.

"Well, there is one little stipulation," Embry said.

"What?"

"You have to howl. Every one of us has a howl."

Leah smacked his arm. "She does NOT have to howl." She looked at me and shook her head, seriously letting me know that Embry was full of it. "You do not have to howl."

"Yes. She does."

"No. I can howl," I piped up, knowing I had never attempted to mimic my friends' wolf sounds in my life. It would be an epic failure.

It would be great.

I cleared my throat and glanced around as all four of them waited with baited breath. Even Leah appeared curious to see what I'd do. Tipping my head back, I let out a long, very bad imitation of their beautiful, wild calls. I then stopped and looked around the room, waiting for a response.

I could see the members of Jacob's pack glance at him warily before Seth began to crack up. Then all three were laughing. I could see that Jacob was attempting to remain calm and supportive of me but then must have remembered the "honesty" chat and let himself give in. I grinned, satisfied.

"Laugh at me, will ya?" I picked up a can of whipped cream and shook it, suddenly attacking Jacob. He was quick to dodge and snatched out his hand for another can of whipped cream as he got a good amount of the stuff on his t-shirt and arm. Shaking the can, he retaliated and I squealed as I tried to defend myself unsuccessfully.

"You are so gonna get it! Attacking our new member!" Embry ripped the protective plastic rind off of a tub of non dairy whipped topping. I could see his intention and ducked as it went flying across the room, hitting Jacob in the head. I burst out laughing. Leah was standing still, looking like she was planning to murder us all, then quickly recovered and started removing all the various sauces from sight. Her back was to me and I got up the courage to lunge in her direction, spraying cream into her hair. She slowly turned around, sporting all the fury of a bitch slapped valkyrie. I stopped and backed up a step, waiting for the onslaught of her anger. She then smirked and whipped a spoon of butterscotch at me, nailing the side of my face and hair.

"That's it!" I started spraying, Jacob followed suit and the others started whipping candies as we ran around the room, making the biggest mess that kitchen had ever seen.

It was wonderful.

Things would be alright. I knew that in the days and weeks that would follow, I would become my original self again. I knew that my family - including my pack - would never let me harm my grandfather. I trusted them all with my life. As we all laughed in the cabin at the lake, I looked at Jacob in his element and was filled with glowing happiness.

I am Renesmee Carlie Cullen.

Half vampire and pack member.

Life is good.

* * *

_With this chapter, The Heart That Howls has found it's end. However, Nessi and Jacob's story continues in Promised - the second story in the "Gravity" series (planned to be four stories long). Promised takes place almost two years post The Heart That Howls. Just click on my name and access the story from my profile._

_I want to thank everyone who reviewed this story and offered criticism. It really helped get me through some challenging chapters. You're the best._

_I listen to a certain playlist when writing this series. A few songs from it that inspired me are Superhuman by Gus Gus, Let Go by Frou Frou, and Out Of This Wold by Bush. The list is very long, but those three songs seemed to really speak to THTH and it's themes. Placebo has the most songs on the playlist._


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